[These were complex questions to ask a guy who had just been in a bit of a fugue state. Rumlow's eyes widened slightly, blinking himself awake. He chewed his cheek, but then shook his head. He knew the true purpose of the Soldier's mind wipes. Even if he could do them here, Rumlow wouldn't. It required too many other facilities and it wasn't worth the upkeep. That and well. Selfish reasons.]
I can see why you'd be worried, but I'm not. This is a different stage with very different players. You've done a damn good job adapting so far.
[But Rumlow's smile faded when he thought of the Soldier's other question. It was not a time he smiled fondly on. Though he had grown used to the adage that order came from pain, it still made his stomach churn if he lingered on it.]
[He might be Bucky, but he was still very much the Soldier and if he was ineffective in his duties, he wasn't certain what path he would take. He couldn't imagine not doing the few duties that he could scratch together. He might have had his own sense of independence, it was still a mission to him, a way for him to cope with the broad expanse that came with this new world of opportunity. Those opportunities often required memories, which he didn't have.
People didn't make friends with amnesics easily. There was nothing to relate to, which was what friendship was built on apparently. Maybe that's why he had always been alone even in a group of people and a team. They couldn't relate, so he was only a weapon.]
I've adapted, but... the mission feels different. Before, it was just a few actions I'm sure but the long game happened when I slept. Now when I sleep, it's nothing like the cold darkness. It's alive, and it hurts my head.
[He didn't like to admit that there might be something increasingly wrong with him. To report a malfunction was required, but often, he never was awake long enough to experience one. Now, it felt like one was inevitable.]
I can't imagine you scared of anything. You seem bomb-proof.
Yeah, I get that. Not being able to escape it all can sure weigh on you. But it's pretty normal. We learn to cope.
[It was easier to respond to those questions, really, even if they required much more thought and introspection. They didn't require to look in on himself, to revisit old thoughts and memories. Maybe the Soldier was onto something there, craving to forget.]
As far's being bomb-proof, you didn't know me when I was a kid. Kids get scared all the time. Go crying to their mommies and daddies, try to get their attention. Get ignored. It is what it is.
[That was all it was. There was no solution to the problem that he faced, and unless Rumlow decided to make use of a few car batteries in Hell, he was going to do just that: cope. In one way or another, it eased some of the tension to have it out in the open and not be reprimanded for all these strange sensations. Rumlow was very good about tolerating his moments of indiscretion.
Yet, he lifted his head from where it was still pressed under his commander's chin and peered in the dark at Rumlow's face.]
Why would your parents ignore you if you needed their assistance? That's a harsh way to force a child to be independent.
[That was about as sentimental as Rumlow got, probably even more so. But, this was the Soldier and he was a special case. He felt an obligation to offer this and weirdly, it wasn't just because of his plots of schemes.
He met the Soldier's eyes, as best he could in the dark, but he was glad it would obscure his own features. It wasn't like he couldn't school his expression into something flippant, it was just a topic he felt so close to all of a sudden. He couldn't distance it, even if he wanted to. He kept himself appearing neutral, at the very least, but he doubted his answer would stop the line of inquiry.]
But my parents? Their excuse? Because they were neglectful assholes, I don't know. Or at least my dad was. Knew jack shit about kids.
[It was clear that Rumlow would take the necessary time to assist him through whatever hiccups that he experienced if his strange sort of life in the unlife wasn't as smooth and clean as his life had been with HYDRA. There was some comfort in that, aware that Rumlow's door was almost always open for him.
He sensed that this was not entirely a proper topic for discussion, and he wouldn't press if Rumlow decided to simply change the subject to something else entirely. The fact that his commander answered was a bit surprising; personal matters were often not for discussion.]
Is that why you don't let yourself be close to many people?
[And there it was. Rumlow could have cut him off, but it felt like the wrong decision. He didn't want to close off topics, at least not ones that would damage their standing. If anything, sharing this might even attract the Soldier more, creating a relative kinship in their individual levels of brokenness. Still, Rumlow's gaze cast askance, leaning back against the bed and pulling the Soldier with him.]
Never really thought about it. Could be, I guess. Mostly I figure, job like mine, not much point in it.
[Not when you might have to kill your friend for showing signs of disloyalty.]
[His hands shifted along the mattress, under his chest so that he could push himself up completely from the brief overlap of their bodies. He felt the pull of Rumlow's grip, gentle and encouraging, but he set his knees to the bed and used his arms to rise completely until he shifted his left hand to the other side of his commander's body and then his left leg, straddling over and then laying himself down to cover Rumlow with his own body. He lined his legs up down along his commander's and tucked his hands in to hold onto Rumlow's ribs as he used his wider body to cover and hide his commander under him.]
If you hadn't been treated that way and grown up as you did, been through what you have been, you could have never become my handler. Sometimes it seems that pain is a good way to remind yourself that you still exist.
[It was his turn to tip his chin up, resting it on the top of Rumlow's head. Protective.]
[Rumlow had been tugged the Soldier closer, it was true. He just wasn't expecting him to cover him entirely and press him into the mattress. A soft wheezing sound escaped as the air was pushed from his lungs before he could get an arm in there and adjust. He guessed he understood the sentiment behind the action, but the Soldier wasn't exactly a lightweight. Not with all that metal in him.]
Anything's possible? [He managed to say, voice still a little strained. He reached an arm around to pat the Soldier's back and as the weight shifted a little, he found it easier to breathe. He sucked a breath in greedily.] But yeah, but it could just as well have been the reason for my demise.
[He said, voice slightly muffled by the Soldier's... everything.]
[The Soldier was well aware of how much he weighed; he knew that not assisting in carrying his own weight even laying down would be a struggle for most people. He was very dense in muscle, but the metal arm added considerable pounds to him as well. He felt the way that Rumlow's body sunk into the mattress and how his thighs settled on it because his handler sunk so deeply.
He shifted, not wanting to suffocate his commander, even if that was impossible anyway. He set his elbows and knees to the bed, softening his weight from being directly on Rumlow. He still had enough weight to create a wheeze to Rumlow's breath and a protective discomfort.]
Will you change that? You'll try to get close to some people to prevent that from happening again, yes?
[Having the tables turned on him was an interesting sensation. Rumlow wasn't entirely sure what to make of it, really. The Soldier had come to him to comfort and he had been ready to give it, and now he suspected the asset was trying to do the same. In his own, strange and simple way. The weight was, he guessed, supposed to be reassuring. At the very least, he'd definitely be taking the bullets if someone were to break in guns blazing. Felt weird.]
Already have, physically. If you're talking emotionally... [Rumlow trailed off, his fingers splaying across the Soldier's back, sweeping down. He felt the blood from earlier squishing against his chest. Even weirder sensation.] Guess I've already done that too.
[Since the list of people Rumlow's talked about his parents to was only 2 long.]
[It wasn't as if he had any practice comforting anyone, least of all in a physical way. He hadn't been designed for that purpose, but in the changing times, he knew that keeping his only handler from HYDRA content and settled meant that he needed extra effort. Besides, Rumlow was comfortable to lay upon, despite the half-dried blood he was smearing between them. It was also a hazard of their association and wouldn't be the first time they were both layered in blood.]
As long as you have someone or someones. [He certainly didn't think it was good for anyone to be lonely, least of all a man who had to associate heavily with a team in life or death operations.
He shifted under Rumlow's touch, tipping his chin so he could attempt to nestle his nose into the peacock flare of his commander's hair. It didn't work as he had hoped, but right now, there was an odd tingle at the implication that he had gone somewhere few had the privilege of going.] You should have picked someone with a greater range of emotions.
[Rumlow wasn't real sure what he was feeling, but knew it was probably supposed to be somewhere along the lines of happy. The Soldier was offering his own brand of comfort, though it was hardly textbook, it was still sort of reassuring. It was very them too, the way it was stunted and literally tainted with blood. He kept rubbing at his back, letting out a heavy sigh.]
I appreciate the concern, Bucky. [He said, nose nudging against the hollow of his throat.] But we pick who we've got. And between you and me, you're a safer bet than the kid.
[In far more ways than Rumlow had any interest in explaining. The easiest was simply Chase's emotional maturity (or lack thereof), but secondly, he didn't understand HYDRA the way the Soldier did. It made a huge different to Rumlow, knowing he could trust him to understand the way things worked, at least in that regard.]
[He rolled his back into the stroke of Rumlow's hands, taking comfort in the warm slide of palms on his bare back. It easily convinced him to stay exactly where he was, looming over his commander and willing to take any amount of punishment to keep his source of order safe and healthy (as healthy as being dead allowed). He settled a bit more of his weight down, enough to be comfortable and close to Rumlow without squishing his commander this time.]
You understand that isn't given much for either of us, yes? An mentally wiped and altered weapon versus an immature teenager. Do you miss your STRIKE team? They could provide where we lack.
[To a point, he knew. The rigors of HYDRA came with a brutality and an expectation of loyalty that seemed to keep men and women behind a certain line. Still, he figured that Rumlow had to have worked with a few of them for many years and built a relationship with. All he could offer with his presence and the usual battering of questions.]
[There was a vague roughness about his voice, as if this wasn't a thing he wanted to admit. It was more the ease of familiarity, the comfort of being amongst those he (mostly) trusted than many on an individual basis. The Soldier wasn't wrong though, they definitely could provide, but Rumlow really wasn't the wistful sort and therefore didn't really think about it very often. He worked with what he had and didn't bitch.]
Anyway, you're still a better candidate. There's a lack of judging in your demeanor. I can just say what I need to and your only questioning is for further information or understanding. That sorta thing I'm better with. People start poking at my logic and I get combative.
[Rumlow shifted slightly, one hand absently toying with the Soldier's hair now.]
Don't get me wrong, I still like the kid. And I trust him not to be a complete idiot, but he wasn't raised in this like you or me. It'll take him some time to get used to it and find his place.
[He decided that it was best not to press that subject anymore, as it was obvious that STRIKE would make Rumlow's life here far easier. There was a place between men with that many years of experience and HYDRA had built them into a loyal cohesive unit. He silently wondered if there was a way to contact them, to draw them into the fold and back under Rumlow's leadership.
For Rumlow, he would do it. Anything to give back to his commander.]
If you need someone's throat ripped out for upsetting you, all I required is a name. I will do the rest.
[He leaned into the contact, having never thought that Rumlow disliked Collins as the pair spent quite a bit of time together. Of course, he found himself slightly tripped up in that he couldn't recall how he was raised, but he assumed that Rumlow simply meant his time with HYDRA, which was very structured.]
[The smiles that stretched across Rumlow's face was equal parts adoring and on the verge of laughter. He was pretty sure the only reason he didn't was because even if the weight above him was not longer crushing, it was still heavy. He snorted instead, gently guiding the Soldier's face back so he could kiss him in thanks. It lingered for a moment, and Rumlow licked his lips afterwards, staring into his eyes, that smile still hovering about his lips.]
I appreciate it, Bucky. I know you've got my back. And I've got yours.
[He restrained the urge to kiss him again, knowing that would probably just end the conversation and turn into making out and touching and (hopefully) getting that blood off of them in some fashion or another.]
But Chase? He's below me. [Literally, most of the time.] And until he proves himself, that's where he's gonna stay.
[Even in the dark of the room, he could tell that Rumlow was smiling, and that pleased him greatly. There was something very rewarding about keeping his commander in a good mood, and the reward of a kiss was more than he ever received in HYDRA. The corner of his own lips tugged slightly, and he shifted most of his suspended weight to his knees so that he could slide his right hand down the length of Rumlow's arm.]
Yes, I know that both are true. We need each other.
[He nodded his head, not completely understanding the relationship between the two but accepting it as beneficial for them both. They at least enjoyed one another's company.]
[Rumlow hummed a tone in contentment. He liked hearing those words from the Soldier, didn't think he'd ever tire of them. The thought that someday the sentiment would prove useful ammunition against Rogers really warmed the cockles of his heart. He nudged his nose against the Soldier's, stealing one more chaste kiss. Rumlow tilted his head after, considering his question.]
That's up to him. I'm not real worried about it though.
[He shifted slightly, legs spreading to allow the Soldier to settle between them instead. Sure, it was a more vulnerable position for him, but he was absolutely sure the Soldier wouldn't take advantage. They were just cuddling. (How fucking weird was that?)]
Anyway, we don't need to talk about Chase. You came in here because you were upset. You wanna tell me anything more?
[He nodded from his spot, and it ended up rubbing his cheek against Rumlow's neck to do so. Another shiver at the scrape of stubble against his face before he was drawn up and found himself the recipient of another kiss that was simple and offered little heat to encourage more than that.
His weight shifted with Rumlow's change of position, and he drew his knees in so that they were between his commander's spread legs rather than outside of them. Slowly, carefully, he lowered his weight down to his thighs and propped up his upper half on his elbows. Their hips and groins were lined up but not settled tight together.]
He's interesting, and you like him. [It was easier to forget his dreams if he was concentrating on something else.] I don't know more... it's been happening more and more since I left the Limbo Hotel. I can't estimate if it is the change in sleep quarters, because I've been consistently awake so long or my associations. [He mostly meant Steve with that last one.]
[It was a weird sort of disappointment not to feel the immediate press of the Soldier's body on top of his when he shifted positions. The extra breathing room was nice, in its own way he guessed, but Rumlow kind of liked that feeling of being squished. Probably just because it was the Soldier.]
Both correct. [Rumlow said, tilting his head back and blowing a stray hair from his face.] Your associations... [Rumlow repeated, lowering his chin, brows furrowed to look at the Soldier again.]
[If he could have, he would have settled himself under Rumlow's secure weight, but he was protective even now of his own source of order. That was doubly true with his troubled dreams and continued encounters with the child-ballerina.
He rested his cheek on his commander's shoulder and nodded his head.]
Someone else. The more people I meet, the more I find old skills that I doubt were used in the service of HYDRA. And... there is my last mission target too....
[Right. Rogers. Rumlow let out a low rumble in response, arms encircling the Soldier's body and giving him a squeeze. It was intended to be reassuring but it felt more possessive than anything. Both were true, in any case. He stared up at the ceiling in the dark.]
Go on.
[He said, wanting to hear more before he could try and mitigate the situation. If the Soldier ever remembered that he hadn't gone to HYDRA willingly, things would go to shit, and fast.]
[He shifted subtly where he lay between Rumlow's legs, his hands dropping so that he could hold his commander's thighs. Safety. Security. Order.]
It... started with Edward. It was like I knew him even though I didn't. Then the target came and... he told me all these things about a life I can't remember. I don't tell anyone this... but when I am together with certain people, I get these headaches and sometimes... it feels like there is another person inside of me trying to get out.
[He went very very still, even his breath pausing for a few moments as he considered what he was telling Rumlow that he had told no one else.]
The dreams amplify this unsettled sensation inside of me. Am I malfunctioning or just... sounding insane?
[It was a damn difficult task not to tense up as the Soldier spoke. Rumlow had every right to be wary. He knew something like this was going to happen someday. It was inevitable, without the memory wipes. With that accelerated healing, the connections in his brain severed by the wiping device were mending. It wasn't surprising that some things were making the triggers come quicker. He only wished there was something he could do to stop it.]
Which people? [A breath.] And no. You're not malfunctioning. You're remembering. It's not something HYDRA wanted you to do, as you know, but as long as you know and understand who you're loyal to, I don't see a problem with your memories coming back.
[There. He said it. He can't take it back now. He just hoped it wouldn't turn around and bite him in the ass later.]
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Date: 2016-07-11 11:05 pm (UTC)I can see why you'd be worried, but I'm not. This is a different stage with very different players. You've done a damn good job adapting so far.
[But Rumlow's smile faded when he thought of the Soldier's other question. It was not a time he smiled fondly on. Though he had grown used to the adage that order came from pain, it still made his stomach churn if he lingered on it.]
Ah, y'know. Shit that scared me. I was a kid.
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Date: 2016-07-11 11:16 pm (UTC)People didn't make friends with amnesics easily. There was nothing to relate to, which was what friendship was built on apparently. Maybe that's why he had always been alone even in a group of people and a team. They couldn't relate, so he was only a weapon.]
I've adapted, but... the mission feels different. Before, it was just a few actions I'm sure but the long game happened when I slept. Now when I sleep, it's nothing like the cold darkness. It's alive, and it hurts my head.
[He didn't like to admit that there might be something increasingly wrong with him. To report a malfunction was required, but often, he never was awake long enough to experience one. Now, it felt like one was inevitable.]
I can't imagine you scared of anything. You seem bomb-proof.
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Date: 2016-07-11 11:36 pm (UTC)[It was easier to respond to those questions, really, even if they required much more thought and introspection. They didn't require to look in on himself, to revisit old thoughts and memories. Maybe the Soldier was onto something there, craving to forget.]
As far's being bomb-proof, you didn't know me when I was a kid. Kids get scared all the time. Go crying to their mommies and daddies, try to get their attention. Get ignored. It is what it is.
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Date: 2016-07-11 11:45 pm (UTC)[That was all it was. There was no solution to the problem that he faced, and unless Rumlow decided to make use of a few car batteries in Hell, he was going to do just that: cope. In one way or another, it eased some of the tension to have it out in the open and not be reprimanded for all these strange sensations. Rumlow was very good about tolerating his moments of indiscretion.
Yet, he lifted his head from where it was still pressed under his commander's chin and peered in the dark at Rumlow's face.]
Why would your parents ignore you if you needed their assistance? That's a harsh way to force a child to be independent.
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Date: 2016-07-11 11:56 pm (UTC)[That was about as sentimental as Rumlow got, probably even more so. But, this was the Soldier and he was a special case. He felt an obligation to offer this and weirdly, it wasn't just because of his plots of schemes.
He met the Soldier's eyes, as best he could in the dark, but he was glad it would obscure his own features. It wasn't like he couldn't school his expression into something flippant, it was just a topic he felt so close to all of a sudden. He couldn't distance it, even if he wanted to. He kept himself appearing neutral, at the very least, but he doubted his answer would stop the line of inquiry.]
But my parents? Their excuse? Because they were neglectful assholes, I don't know. Or at least my dad was. Knew jack shit about kids.
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Date: 2016-07-12 12:04 am (UTC)He sensed that this was not entirely a proper topic for discussion, and he wouldn't press if Rumlow decided to simply change the subject to something else entirely. The fact that his commander answered was a bit surprising; personal matters were often not for discussion.]
Is that why you don't let yourself be close to many people?
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Date: 2016-07-12 12:11 am (UTC)Never really thought about it. Could be, I guess. Mostly I figure, job like mine, not much point in it.
[Not when you might have to kill your friend for showing signs of disloyalty.]
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Date: 2016-07-12 12:21 am (UTC)If you hadn't been treated that way and grown up as you did, been through what you have been, you could have never become my handler. Sometimes it seems that pain is a good way to remind yourself that you still exist.
[It was his turn to tip his chin up, resting it on the top of Rumlow's head. Protective.]
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Date: 2016-07-12 12:33 am (UTC)Anything's possible? [He managed to say, voice still a little strained. He reached an arm around to pat the Soldier's back and as the weight shifted a little, he found it easier to breathe. He sucked a breath in greedily.] But yeah, but it could just as well have been the reason for my demise.
[He said, voice slightly muffled by the Soldier's... everything.]
I don't dwell on regrets.
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Date: 2016-07-12 12:43 am (UTC)He shifted, not wanting to suffocate his commander, even if that was impossible anyway. He set his elbows and knees to the bed, softening his weight from being directly on Rumlow. He still had enough weight to create a wheeze to Rumlow's breath and a protective discomfort.]
Will you change that? You'll try to get close to some people to prevent that from happening again, yes?
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Date: 2016-07-12 09:15 am (UTC)Already have, physically. If you're talking emotionally... [Rumlow trailed off, his fingers splaying across the Soldier's back, sweeping down. He felt the blood from earlier squishing against his chest. Even weirder sensation.] Guess I've already done that too.
[Since the list of people Rumlow's talked about his parents to was only 2 long.]
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Date: 2016-07-12 01:09 pm (UTC)As long as you have someone or someones. [He certainly didn't think it was good for anyone to be lonely, least of all a man who had to associate heavily with a team in life or death operations.
He shifted under Rumlow's touch, tipping his chin so he could attempt to nestle his nose into the peacock flare of his commander's hair. It didn't work as he had hoped, but right now, there was an odd tingle at the implication that he had gone somewhere few had the privilege of going.] You should have picked someone with a greater range of emotions.
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Date: 2016-07-12 11:36 pm (UTC)I appreciate the concern, Bucky. [He said, nose nudging against the hollow of his throat.] But we pick who we've got. And between you and me, you're a safer bet than the kid.
[In far more ways than Rumlow had any interest in explaining. The easiest was simply Chase's emotional maturity (or lack thereof), but secondly, he didn't understand HYDRA the way the Soldier did. It made a huge different to Rumlow, knowing he could trust him to understand the way things worked, at least in that regard.]
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Date: 2016-07-13 02:22 am (UTC)You understand that isn't given much for either of us, yes? An mentally wiped and altered weapon versus an immature teenager. Do you miss your STRIKE team? They could provide where we lack.
[To a point, he knew. The rigors of HYDRA came with a brutality and an expectation of loyalty that seemed to keep men and women behind a certain line. Still, he figured that Rumlow had to have worked with a few of them for many years and built a relationship with. All he could offer with his presence and the usual battering of questions.]
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Date: 2016-07-13 09:28 am (UTC)[There was a vague roughness about his voice, as if this wasn't a thing he wanted to admit. It was more the ease of familiarity, the comfort of being amongst those he (mostly) trusted than many on an individual basis. The Soldier wasn't wrong though, they definitely could provide, but Rumlow really wasn't the wistful sort and therefore didn't really think about it very often. He worked with what he had and didn't bitch.]
Anyway, you're still a better candidate. There's a lack of judging in your demeanor. I can just say what I need to and your only questioning is for further information or understanding. That sorta thing I'm better with. People start poking at my logic and I get combative.
[Rumlow shifted slightly, one hand absently toying with the Soldier's hair now.]
Don't get me wrong, I still like the kid. And I trust him not to be a complete idiot, but he wasn't raised in this like you or me. It'll take him some time to get used to it and find his place.
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Date: 2016-07-14 02:25 am (UTC)For Rumlow, he would do it. Anything to give back to his commander.]
If you need someone's throat ripped out for upsetting you, all I required is a name. I will do the rest.
[He leaned into the contact, having never thought that Rumlow disliked Collins as the pair spent quite a bit of time together. Of course, he found himself slightly tripped up in that he couldn't recall how he was raised, but he assumed that Rumlow simply meant his time with HYDRA, which was very structured.]
What place do you want him in?
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Date: 2016-07-15 03:42 pm (UTC)I appreciate it, Bucky. I know you've got my back. And I've got yours.
[He restrained the urge to kiss him again, knowing that would probably just end the conversation and turn into making out and touching and (hopefully) getting that blood off of them in some fashion or another.]
But Chase? He's below me. [Literally, most of the time.] And until he proves himself, that's where he's gonna stay.
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Date: 2016-07-16 01:59 am (UTC)Yes, I know that both are true. We need each other.
[He nodded his head, not completely understanding the relationship between the two but accepting it as beneficial for them both. They at least enjoyed one another's company.]
And how will he prove himself?
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Date: 2016-07-16 04:52 am (UTC)That's up to him. I'm not real worried about it though.
[He shifted slightly, legs spreading to allow the Soldier to settle between them instead. Sure, it was a more vulnerable position for him, but he was absolutely sure the Soldier wouldn't take advantage. They were just cuddling. (How fucking weird was that?)]
Anyway, we don't need to talk about Chase. You came in here because you were upset. You wanna tell me anything more?
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Date: 2016-07-16 01:15 pm (UTC)His weight shifted with Rumlow's change of position, and he drew his knees in so that they were between his commander's spread legs rather than outside of them. Slowly, carefully, he lowered his weight down to his thighs and propped up his upper half on his elbows. Their hips and groins were lined up but not settled tight together.]
He's interesting, and you like him. [It was easier to forget his dreams if he was concentrating on something else.] I don't know more... it's been happening more and more since I left the Limbo Hotel. I can't estimate if it is the change in sleep quarters, because I've been consistently awake so long or my associations. [He mostly meant Steve with that last one.]
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Date: 2016-07-17 04:25 am (UTC)Both correct. [Rumlow said, tilting his head back and blowing a stray hair from his face.] Your associations... [Rumlow repeated, lowering his chin, brows furrowed to look at the Soldier again.]
With me or you thinking someone else?
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Date: 2016-07-18 04:49 am (UTC)He rested his cheek on his commander's shoulder and nodded his head.]
Someone else. The more people I meet, the more I find old skills that I doubt were used in the service of HYDRA. And... there is my last mission target too....
no subject
Date: 2016-07-18 09:20 am (UTC)Go on.
[He said, wanting to hear more before he could try and mitigate the situation. If the Soldier ever remembered that he hadn't gone to HYDRA willingly, things would go to shit, and fast.]
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Date: 2016-07-18 01:29 pm (UTC)It... started with Edward. It was like I knew him even though I didn't. Then the target came and... he told me all these things about a life I can't remember. I don't tell anyone this... but when I am together with certain people, I get these headaches and sometimes... it feels like there is another person inside of me trying to get out.
[He went very very still, even his breath pausing for a few moments as he considered what he was telling Rumlow that he had told no one else.]
The dreams amplify this unsettled sensation inside of me. Am I malfunctioning or just... sounding insane?
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Date: 2016-07-18 11:25 pm (UTC)Which people? [A breath.] And no. You're not malfunctioning. You're remembering. It's not something HYDRA wanted you to do, as you know, but as long as you know and understand who you're loyal to, I don't see a problem with your memories coming back.
[There. He said it. He can't take it back now. He just hoped it wouldn't turn around and bite him in the ass later.]
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