[It was always tough not to let things like this this shift towards something sexual. The Soldier just had a way with getting Rumlow going. The way he responded to him, his pliant nature and almost coy requests for attention were maddeningly hot. Even just a simple thing like the way he pushed up against Rumlow's hands was appealing. Rumlow's fingers pressed against him in response, a gentle dig into the edge of the wounds.]
You're judging too quickly. Do you think there aren't others out there with experiences similar to yours? Take me for example. We were both taken in by HYDRA, both trained to be killers, both trained to be loyal. And here we are. In a relationship. Sure, no one you meet is going to have the exact same life as you, but there's always something. You're not wrong that experience is necessary, but negating what you have, even if it's not particularly social, isn't fair to yourself.
[Rumlow shifted his legs and tangled his feet around the Soldier's ankles.]
Give yourself some credit, Bucky. You've done well with what you have.
I wouldn't know. [It wasn't as if he had gone searching across the network asking of anyone else had a forcible state of amnesia that allowed them to commit mass murder at the whims of the organization that he had dedicated himself to. How many limbo cases were there with a similar story to his own?] Yes, but our current difference is that you remember for the both of us.
[Though, he wondered why the words 'in a relationship' made a shiver run down his spine and his head bow forward as if he might nuzzle Rumlow. It seemed inappropriate given the depth and subject matter of their current topic of conversation. In response, he raised his feet to accommodate the wrap of Rumlow's feet.]
I wasn't allowed to have friends before here. I might not even know what it's like to have a friend anymore.
[The Soldier had a point there, but his own wasn't invalid because of it. He pursed his lips and opened his mouth to speak again when the Soldier shifted above him. Rumlow shut it and let him finish. Once he had, he had something better to say.]
And I'm not your friend?
[Sure they had a few other titles too, but Rumlow was pretty sure he could reasonably call the Soldier a 'friend.' He met all the criteria, after all. Enjoyed spending time with him, trusted him, invested in him. That was as good as a friend ever really was with him.]
[The question stilled him, though he was not particularly tense. No more than what was required to keep his weight from bearing down on Rumlow again anyway. That question stumped him because Rumlow had dripped the honey phrase of a relationship to him, but they had not defined what kind of relationship that happened to be. A single date, a night in the warmth and sleeping over... that almost made them lovers, right? Relationship details needed to come with its own kind of road map.]
Is that what we are?
[He asked because he had nothing more to give. He didn't entirely know what they were to each other and thus relied on Rumlow to know for him to some degree. He wasn't certain that he could even reliably be trusted with the idea of friendship at this point, what with living so many years as a 'thing'.]
[The hesitance was obvious and Rumlow thought he knew what it was from. He reached a hand up to bury in the Soldier's hair, giving him a few affectionate pets.]
One of the things we are, in any case.
[Of course their relationship of weapon and handler was still in place, even if it wasn't the same as it had been to start. Lover was fairly accurate, even if they'd never really fucked. Friend was the most accurate and also the one he had expected the Soldier to appreciate most. Would he have preferred lover, Rumlow wondered.]
[His head dropped so that he could bury his face into the side of Rumlow's neck, letting the wash of little tugs and stroking along his scalp to wash away many questioning thoughts.]
So we're more than one title?
[That might not have answered the question, but it eased his thoughts to know that maybe he hadn't been quite as confused as he had first thought. He nuzzled against Rumlow's neck in response, pleased.]
[The petting continued, along with a little nuzzling as Rumlow tipped his head down. It was comfortable, this position, the way he had the asset tucked into the crook of his neck, their bodies slotted together perfectly. The blood was mostly dry now, at least.]
Well sure. Guess you can pick and choose the one you want to use.
[Rumlow had never really been the labeling type. He got that the Soldier liked having concrete definitions, though. For him, each title suited different situations. Some would be told the Soldier was his lover, others his friend et cetera. It was strategic, like everything else he did.]
[He nodded his head, aware that he would understand all of this the more that he was once again exposed to it. He supposed that it was once again time to plant himself somewhere to people watch.]
Wherever the titles are applicable.
[He sighed and rubbed his cheek against the side of Rumlow's neck before easing up again, looking around the room. As much as snuggling was valued and wanted, he had come to understand the value of privacy and already he had disturbed Rumlow enough.]
I'll go and get a wet cloth to clean us up and then head back to my room.
[When the Soldier lifted his head, Rumlow's brows knit together, wondering what he was looking for. His hands tightened around him when he said he was going to leave. Rumlow wasn't having any of that. Cleaning up, fine, but leaving? Nah. Even if he didn't like it, Rumlow kind of liked to sleep, and that wasn't going to happen when he was at the mercy of the monster underneath his bed.]
We can clean up, but you don't have to leave. I like having you with me.
[He'd admit that sooner than say he didn't want to be alone with that thing.]
[He looked at Rumlow and knitted his brow in return, nodding to accept that it seemed that he would be spending the rest of the night settled in Rumlow's bed. A part of him resisted the idea because it would involve having to explain why he was covered in blood all over again in the morning. He could see his little ballerina practicing lithe movements in the corner, watching him with a coy look not suitable for a small child.]
Alright, I'll get a cloth and be right back then.
[He eased his way out of his commander's grip and stood, heading for the bathroom down the hall to grab a cloth and wetting it in the sink there. He eyed the little red-head who lurked in the doorway, washing off his chest of her blood as quickly as he could and then rinsing the cloth out to take back to Rumlow. He stepped into the bedroom again and offered the damp cloth to his commander.]
[He took the cloth and gestured for the Soldier to sit next to him, having already pushed himself to the edge of the bed. He waited until he had before starting in on him. Probably ought to have done himself first, since he had less of a mess, but the Soldier got first treatment more often than not, he noticed. Pressing the cloth to his chest, Rumlow began rubbing it in circles, the blood smearing off and collecting on the fabric.]
Did you want to leave?
[He asks, tilting his head up to peer at the Soldier as he continued to wipe off the mess.]
[He took the spot left open for him and seated on the edge of the bed, glancing around Rumlow's room. It hadn't changed since he had been in here last, but he was always interested in how his commander lived. Not much different from the Hive, though there was less of the inherent dirt and ruin that came from that place.
Turning his head just so, he could watch Rumlow wash out of the corner of his eye.]
No. It just seemed inappropriate and maybe be perceived as needy if I'm constantly in here.
[Far from it. If anything, Rumlow would want the Soldier more attached to him. Still a boundary, but also reliant. He wondered if there was something he could do to encourage that more while maintaining a balance. In the meantime, he kept scrubbing, wiping the blood away gradually. It was getting on his hand a little, the moisture soaking into what had dried and making it slick again. He didn't know where it really came from, but this house was plenty odd, so he figured it was just one of its quirks that it had decided to turn on the Soldier.]
Constantly might be a bit much, but I wouldn't say you're bugging me or anything like that the way things are now.
[The rag shifted lower, dragging across the Soldier's stomach now. It dripped down his frame and Rumlow knew it was probably making a mess, but the damage had already been done when the Soldier had climbed in. Red sheets. Best decision he'd made in his decor.]
Good, that's not a perception I want you to have to endure.
[He was also getting used to this longer leash, the independence that came with having a life beyond what Rumlow said and did. It was better suited to the roles that they had taken up to show the world around them. There was plenty of adventure to be found in Hell after all, and it was enjoyable to have the freedom to go and do exactly that as it suited him so long as his check-in times were compromised.]
Is that to say that you prefer to have someone sleeping in your bed at night?
[He had frequented it a little more than he did now when they had separate accommodations. There had been the excuse of not wanting to walk all the way back to Limbo or send Rumlow back to the dirty Hive, but here in this house, his room was literally down the hall. There was less excuse to request staying together at times.]
[There was the question Rumlow didn't want to answer. Not because of the answer itself, but the likely inquiries that would follow. It was times like this where he wished he could lie, but he could make due with obscuring the truth with other, less relevant truths. He rubbed at this face, and shrugged a shoulder.]
Sure, who wouldn't? It's nice curling up next to someone you're affectionate with. Don't you think?
[Turn the questions back on him, distract him with that rather than admit he just didn't want to be alone with that thing under his bed. That he wasn't real into what he thought it might want to do to him, if it managed to actually drag him down.]
[That was an expected answer, he supposed. Rumlow was willing to settle in with him and Chase and perhaps others if neither of them happened to be available. He didn't know, but he found the answer acceptable and easily believed as well. Rumlow had after all never been caught in a lie with him.]
Sometimes. It's nicer with a bed that can accommodate our size. Sometimes it's awkward knocking elbows or knees when turning over.
[He honestly didn't move much when he slept. He tended to stay in one spot for hours on end, life as an assassin in a small chamber or on the road with limited movements having fixed his needs to turn or shift.]
[The Soldier's answer made him chuckle. He shifted so he could wipe off a few drips of blood that had made it to his sides, then stood, ruffling the Soldier's hair with his clean hand. He needed to rinse off the cloth and wet it again.]
Yeah, that's definitely a luxury I was intent on when I got this place.
[He disappeared for a few moments while he ran the sink, squeezing out all the collected blood. He came back shortly after, pausing a foot or so from the bed to look at the Soldier. Red still smeared over his chest, hair lank and sat upon his bed. Something rumbled in his chest and Rumlow closed the distance between them, tipping the Soldier's face up towards his.]
[He nodded his head, staying where he had settled himself as he watched Rumlow clean up and move around the room. He could always appreciate the commander's rough swagger, like a soft challenge underneath an open promise.
Yet, he found it almost alarming the way that his breath seemed to catch in his chest when his chin was tipped up so that he was looking all the way up at his commander. It was never particularly difficult to breathe unless they had been kissing too long, but this contact sent a tingle down his spine. Was it anticipation?]
Yes. You can tell me anything. Your secrets are safe with me.
[Sometimes the Soldier had reactions that really got to him. That hitch in his breath, the look on his face, the way his pupils grew, looking into his eyes, easy to see with the pale shade they were. Rumlow felt heat coiling inside him, automatic, like it was tied into the Soldier's own state.]
You are the most pleasing aspect of my afterlife and every time I wake up with you next to me, it sends a shudder of pleasure right down my spine.
[The last four words Rumlow practically purred, punctuating them with the gentle drag of his thumb across the Soldier's bottom lip. He bit at his own, letting that feeling wash over him.]
[And just like that, there was a lump in his throat, hindering him from swallowing. It didn't mean that he failed in trying, the bob of his Adam's apple plain with the angle of his neck, and he found his blue eyes searching Rumlow's face. For what, he couldn't put to words. Something... important.
He instead hitched a breath that was much too loud, breaking the silence that settled over them after Rumlow's words. There was a callous on the thumb pad that ran of his lip, and it gave a blast of heat that reached his cheeks. He hadn't flushed in... well, he didn't know how long.]
I... It's comfortable next to you. I know that I'm safe even when my dreams are rocky.
[This was malfunction, he absently thought. It was growing, but it wasn't terrifying like he suspected he was made to feel. It wasn't a loss of control anyway; it was a slow awakening.]
[With that pale skin it was easy to see how flushed the Soldier got. Rumlow's lips curved up into a smile, and it broadened as the asset replied. Of course it pleased him to hear the Soldier appreciated the solace he offered, the safety, and the trust that he could infer from it. He didn't expect a grandiose response or anything like that, the Soldier was still a bit off on the emotional front, but Hell. Steps were steps.]
Good. I feel the same. I take a lot of comfort in the fact that you're with me. Wouldn't have it any other way.
[He wouldn't admit fear of the monster, but he could admit he had nightmares from time to time. The Soldier probably already knew that, anyway. His thumb dropped away from his face and Rumlow replaced it with his lips, ducking down to give the Soldier a kiss. He wanted to pour the heat he felt into it, but he still had a job to do. Didn't need to get distracted for long. Just enough to tease him, maybe entice the Soldier into wanting more, after they'd cleaned up.]
One of the reasons I keep you near... why I always want you so bad.
[He nodded his head as much as he was able with Rumlow's fingers gripping his chin and thumb still passing over his lower lip. He kept himself still on the bed even if he had the urge to shift his weight and crane his head towards the point of contact. He couldn't remember being a point of comfort before either. Protection, yes, but there was very little comfort that came with his presence. Rumlow somehow managed to tease out small details that other handler's had clearly overlooked.]
Even if there were other HYDRA agents here? You'd still want me this close?
[He watched as his commander drew close, his eyes shutting when their lips made contact. This was hardly to do with putting one another to bed for a few more hours of sleep, but he did not bother to resist pressing back into the contact. He sighed when they parted, but his blue eyes darted up to pin his commander, heat starting to pool in his gaze.]
[Rumlow cracked a grin at the idea of having other HYDRA agents around. He lifted a shoulder in a shrug, a somewhat mischievous light entering his eyes. Already he imagined it, how he would have to maneuver around them to keep his position on top, to keep his decision to engage with the Soldier unquestioned.]
Yes. We're not trained to protect each other, just work together. You and I? We're different. We're a better team than I ever had with STRIKE. You're more important to me than any of them ever were, and I'd hazard a guess to say you feel the same about me.
[Which was when Rumlow sucked in a breath. While it was true, he definitely had his ulterior motives, it wasn't exactly so shallow as to just stick his dick in him. He had his plans, which just happened to involve fucking the Soldier stupid.]
And yeah, I do, but at this point, I'm pretty sure you're far from uninterested. The way you kiss me? [Rumlow let his shiver be seen.] Like you can't get enough... you're curious. I know you are.
[He could recall a little of how STRIKE operated as he was snuck into the Triskelion for his final mission before his death. The team had been very familiar with each other, but there had been a structure of command and everyone knew their place in the group. There was no questioning orders, but also, there hadn't been much in the way of warmth between them either. They were perhaps too geared up with Insight coming so close, and thus there hadn't been time to show any kind of protectiveness for each other. Or, as Rumlow said, HYDRA was not a place for protectiveness between men and women on the front line like that.]
I'm more important because I'm extremely valuable. [An attempt at some kind of teasing.] You're my commander, and you are my order. We do make a good team.
[He watched Rumlow's reaction carefully, gauging where it fell into truth. It wasn't that his commander had ever lied to him before, but this was a subject in which they had clearly been moving towards. His blue eyes fixed on Rumlow's gaze, and he slowly nodded his head, folding his hands together in his lap.]
I am, but I don't want you to put in more effort than you do now. [He dropped his eyes away and then shifted further back on the bed.] I'm... broken, I suppose. I don't react like you do physically. I don't want to disappoint you.
[Rumlow huffed a laugh at the Solder's tease. He wasn't wrong, but he was glad he got his intention and still played with it. More steps in the right direction. He moved closer and resumed scrubbing at the blood, listening to him continue on. He nodded in agreement to them being a good team, flashing him a smile to show his appreciation for the sentiment.
It was pleasant to hear, at least until the Soldier started to self deprecate, breaking his gaze. Rumlow followed after him, setting the washcloth down and wrapped his arm around the Soldier's arm. He gently pulled him back towards him, reaching with his free hand to cup the Soldier's face, turning it back towards his own.]
Hey. You're not disappointing me. I always put in as much effort as I want, and I'd gladly put in more, but I'm not going to cross your boundaries. I doubt you're really broken, you just need... a jump start.
[Rumlow stroked his cheek, taking note of the obvious discomfort the Soldier felt in this admission. Hell, Rumlow couldn't blame him. He'd feel just as frustrated and upset if he couldn't get it up.]
All you've gotta do is say the word. I want you to be happy, Bucky, and if this would help, I'd put in all the effort I've got.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2016-07-20 11:03 pm (UTC)You're judging too quickly. Do you think there aren't others out there with experiences similar to yours? Take me for example. We were both taken in by HYDRA, both trained to be killers, both trained to be loyal. And here we are. In a relationship. Sure, no one you meet is going to have the exact same life as you, but there's always something. You're not wrong that experience is necessary, but negating what you have, even if it's not particularly social, isn't fair to yourself.
[Rumlow shifted his legs and tangled his feet around the Soldier's ankles.]
Give yourself some credit, Bucky. You've done well with what you have.
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Date: 2016-07-21 01:43 am (UTC)[Though, he wondered why the words 'in a relationship' made a shiver run down his spine and his head bow forward as if he might nuzzle Rumlow. It seemed inappropriate given the depth and subject matter of their current topic of conversation. In response, he raised his feet to accommodate the wrap of Rumlow's feet.]
I wasn't allowed to have friends before here. I might not even know what it's like to have a friend anymore.
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Date: 2016-07-21 02:18 am (UTC)And I'm not your friend?
[Sure they had a few other titles too, but Rumlow was pretty sure he could reasonably call the Soldier a 'friend.' He met all the criteria, after all. Enjoyed spending time with him, trusted him, invested in him. That was as good as a friend ever really was with him.]
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Date: 2016-07-21 02:30 am (UTC)Is that what we are?
[He asked because he had nothing more to give. He didn't entirely know what they were to each other and thus relied on Rumlow to know for him to some degree. He wasn't certain that he could even reliably be trusted with the idea of friendship at this point, what with living so many years as a 'thing'.]
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Date: 2016-07-21 02:56 am (UTC)One of the things we are, in any case.
[Of course their relationship of weapon and handler was still in place, even if it wasn't the same as it had been to start. Lover was fairly accurate, even if they'd never really fucked. Friend was the most accurate and also the one he had expected the Soldier to appreciate most. Would he have preferred lover, Rumlow wondered.]
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Date: 2016-07-21 03:38 am (UTC)So we're more than one title?
[That might not have answered the question, but it eased his thoughts to know that maybe he hadn't been quite as confused as he had first thought. He nuzzled against Rumlow's neck in response, pleased.]
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Date: 2016-07-21 01:28 pm (UTC)Well sure. Guess you can pick and choose the one you want to use.
[Rumlow had never really been the labeling type. He got that the Soldier liked having concrete definitions, though. For him, each title suited different situations. Some would be told the Soldier was his lover, others his friend et cetera. It was strategic, like everything else he did.]
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Date: 2016-07-21 02:32 pm (UTC)Wherever the titles are applicable.
[He sighed and rubbed his cheek against the side of Rumlow's neck before easing up again, looking around the room. As much as snuggling was valued and wanted, he had come to understand the value of privacy and already he had disturbed Rumlow enough.]
I'll go and get a wet cloth to clean us up and then head back to my room.
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Date: 2016-07-21 03:00 pm (UTC)We can clean up, but you don't have to leave. I like having you with me.
[He'd admit that sooner than say he didn't want to be alone with that thing.]
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Date: 2016-07-21 03:22 pm (UTC)Alright, I'll get a cloth and be right back then.
[He eased his way out of his commander's grip and stood, heading for the bathroom down the hall to grab a cloth and wetting it in the sink there. He eyed the little red-head who lurked in the doorway, washing off his chest of her blood as quickly as he could and then rinsing the cloth out to take back to Rumlow. He stepped into the bedroom again and offered the damp cloth to his commander.]
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Date: 2016-07-22 01:14 am (UTC)Did you want to leave?
[He asks, tilting his head up to peer at the Soldier as he continued to wipe off the mess.]
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Date: 2016-07-22 02:31 am (UTC)Turning his head just so, he could watch Rumlow wash out of the corner of his eye.]
No. It just seemed inappropriate and maybe be perceived as needy if I'm constantly in here.
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Date: 2016-07-22 12:17 pm (UTC)[Far from it. If anything, Rumlow would want the Soldier more attached to him. Still a boundary, but also reliant. He wondered if there was something he could do to encourage that more while maintaining a balance. In the meantime, he kept scrubbing, wiping the blood away gradually. It was getting on his hand a little, the moisture soaking into what had dried and making it slick again. He didn't know where it really came from, but this house was plenty odd, so he figured it was just one of its quirks that it had decided to turn on the Soldier.]
Constantly might be a bit much, but I wouldn't say you're bugging me or anything like that the way things are now.
[The rag shifted lower, dragging across the Soldier's stomach now. It dripped down his frame and Rumlow knew it was probably making a mess, but the damage had already been done when the Soldier had climbed in. Red sheets. Best decision he'd made in his decor.]
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Date: 2016-07-22 02:40 pm (UTC)[He was also getting used to this longer leash, the independence that came with having a life beyond what Rumlow said and did. It was better suited to the roles that they had taken up to show the world around them. There was plenty of adventure to be found in Hell after all, and it was enjoyable to have the freedom to go and do exactly that as it suited him so long as his check-in times were compromised.]
Is that to say that you prefer to have someone sleeping in your bed at night?
[He had frequented it a little more than he did now when they had separate accommodations. There had been the excuse of not wanting to walk all the way back to Limbo or send Rumlow back to the dirty Hive, but here in this house, his room was literally down the hall. There was less excuse to request staying together at times.]
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Date: 2016-07-23 04:18 am (UTC)Sure, who wouldn't? It's nice curling up next to someone you're affectionate with. Don't you think?
[Turn the questions back on him, distract him with that rather than admit he just didn't want to be alone with that thing under his bed. That he wasn't real into what he thought it might want to do to him, if it managed to actually drag him down.]
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Date: 2016-07-23 04:26 am (UTC)Sometimes. It's nicer with a bed that can accommodate our size. Sometimes it's awkward knocking elbows or knees when turning over.
[He honestly didn't move much when he slept. He tended to stay in one spot for hours on end, life as an assassin in a small chamber or on the road with limited movements having fixed his needs to turn or shift.]
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Date: 2016-07-23 12:49 pm (UTC)Yeah, that's definitely a luxury I was intent on when I got this place.
[He disappeared for a few moments while he ran the sink, squeezing out all the collected blood. He came back shortly after, pausing a foot or so from the bed to look at the Soldier. Red still smeared over his chest, hair lank and sat upon his bed. Something rumbled in his chest and Rumlow closed the distance between them, tipping the Soldier's face up towards his.]
Can I tell you a secret?
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Date: 2016-07-23 01:39 pm (UTC)Yet, he found it almost alarming the way that his breath seemed to catch in his chest when his chin was tipped up so that he was looking all the way up at his commander. It was never particularly difficult to breathe unless they had been kissing too long, but this contact sent a tingle down his spine. Was it anticipation?]
Yes. You can tell me anything. Your secrets are safe with me.
no subject
Date: 2016-07-23 02:36 pm (UTC)You are the most pleasing aspect of my afterlife and every time I wake up with you next to me, it sends a shudder of pleasure right down my spine.
[The last four words Rumlow practically purred, punctuating them with the gentle drag of his thumb across the Soldier's bottom lip. He bit at his own, letting that feeling wash over him.]
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Date: 2016-07-23 05:26 pm (UTC)He instead hitched a breath that was much too loud, breaking the silence that settled over them after Rumlow's words. There was a callous on the thumb pad that ran of his lip, and it gave a blast of heat that reached his cheeks. He hadn't flushed in... well, he didn't know how long.]
I... It's comfortable next to you. I know that I'm safe even when my dreams are rocky.
[This was malfunction, he absently thought. It was growing, but it wasn't terrifying like he suspected he was made to feel. It wasn't a loss of control anyway; it was a slow awakening.]
no subject
Date: 2016-07-23 07:22 pm (UTC)Good. I feel the same. I take a lot of comfort in the fact that you're with me. Wouldn't have it any other way.
[He wouldn't admit fear of the monster, but he could admit he had nightmares from time to time. The Soldier probably already knew that, anyway. His thumb dropped away from his face and Rumlow replaced it with his lips, ducking down to give the Soldier a kiss. He wanted to pour the heat he felt into it, but he still had a job to do. Didn't need to get distracted for long. Just enough to tease him, maybe entice the Soldier into wanting more, after they'd cleaned up.]
One of the reasons I keep you near... why I always want you so bad.
no subject
Date: 2016-07-23 07:34 pm (UTC)Even if there were other HYDRA agents here? You'd still want me this close?
[He watched as his commander drew close, his eyes shutting when their lips made contact. This was hardly to do with putting one another to bed for a few more hours of sleep, but he did not bother to resist pressing back into the contact. He sighed when they parted, but his blue eyes darted up to pin his commander, heat starting to pool in his gaze.]
Because you want to bed me.
no subject
Date: 2016-07-23 07:52 pm (UTC)Yes. We're not trained to protect each other, just work together. You and I? We're different. We're a better team than I ever had with STRIKE. You're more important to me than any of them ever were, and I'd hazard a guess to say you feel the same about me.
[Which was when Rumlow sucked in a breath. While it was true, he definitely had his ulterior motives, it wasn't exactly so shallow as to just stick his dick in him. He had his plans, which just happened to involve fucking the Soldier stupid.]
And yeah, I do, but at this point, I'm pretty sure you're far from uninterested. The way you kiss me? [Rumlow let his shiver be seen.] Like you can't get enough... you're curious. I know you are.
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Date: 2016-07-23 08:02 pm (UTC)I'm more important because I'm extremely valuable. [An attempt at some kind of teasing.] You're my commander, and you are my order. We do make a good team.
[He watched Rumlow's reaction carefully, gauging where it fell into truth. It wasn't that his commander had ever lied to him before, but this was a subject in which they had clearly been moving towards. His blue eyes fixed on Rumlow's gaze, and he slowly nodded his head, folding his hands together in his lap.]
I am, but I don't want you to put in more effort than you do now. [He dropped his eyes away and then shifted further back on the bed.] I'm... broken, I suppose. I don't react like you do physically. I don't want to disappoint you.
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Date: 2016-07-23 09:37 pm (UTC)It was pleasant to hear, at least until the Soldier started to self deprecate, breaking his gaze. Rumlow followed after him, setting the washcloth down and wrapped his arm around the Soldier's arm. He gently pulled him back towards him, reaching with his free hand to cup the Soldier's face, turning it back towards his own.]
Hey. You're not disappointing me. I always put in as much effort as I want, and I'd gladly put in more, but I'm not going to cross your boundaries. I doubt you're really broken, you just need... a jump start.
[Rumlow stroked his cheek, taking note of the obvious discomfort the Soldier felt in this admission. Hell, Rumlow couldn't blame him. He'd feel just as frustrated and upset if he couldn't get it up.]
All you've gotta do is say the word. I want you to be happy, Bucky, and if this would help, I'd put in all the effort I've got.
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