[He leaned into the contact of lips against his cheek, so close to his eye that he was certain that his commander could feel the brush of his long lashes as he closed them. He weaseled away, burrowing his face into Rumlow's neck where he could allow himself to feel the gentle beat of his commander's pulse against his neck. That was an illusion he knew; they were dead. There was no pulse, yet they persisted as if they were not. The soul was a strange concept.
His hands smoothed up, grasping as Rumlow's arms as he tucked his legs in closer, sliding his feet under his commander's knees. He stilled at the call of his name, unable to gauge the tone.]
You've gotta be the most remarkable lover I've ever had.
[Rumlow said in a rough voice. He could feel his hot breath against his throat, soothing against the bruised skin. He swallowed, Adam's apple bumping against him. His fingers scraped lightly across the Soldier's scalp and his hips gently rocked upwards. The muscles of his arms flexed beneath his hold, the feel of the metal palm setting his skin to react. His nipples grew stiff in the space between them, a shiver running through him.
He huffed out a laugh, nudging at the Soldier's face with his own, attempting to beckon him up.]
[The statement confused him, had him bunkering down over Rumlow and burrowing his face tighter against his commander's throat. He was nothing like the lover he had seen Rumlow take in Chase, and they were barely considered lovers based on the definition that he had read. Okay, one date, some dancing and grinding and then all this odd flirting that they seemed to do. Sometimes it lead somewhere, sometimes it didn't. There were moments when he just ran out of steam on what to do.
He flexed his hands and shuffled his legs in so that Rumlow was aware of how strong his hold could be if there was pressure set against him. He did lift his head with the request, peering at his commander, his eyes darting to the red welt of his teeth indentation on Rumlow's pectoral. It wouldn't bruise and didn't break skin, but it was red and angry looking.]
[Rumlow snorted at the Soldier's statement of doubt.]
Just because my dick's never been in your ass doesn't meant we're not. And you're definitely more remarkable than Chase. I mean, nothing against the kid, but who you are? What you've done? For HYDRA, the world? Me? It's pretty fucking remarkable.
[And the Soldier looked at him, not without making sure Rumlow knew he wasn't going to be allowed to escape. Not that he really had any intention though. He was perfectly fine with being pinned at the moment.]
And yeah, I've seen it before. Doesn't mean I've gotten tired of seeing it.
But we've only become lovers recently. All my previous endeavors were long before any of this happened.
[And titles were about the only way he could describe moments in his life, but even now, there was confusion. He didn't know who he was or what he had done because he had no memories of that time, just the last hours before he had died and everything that had occurred so far. Rumlow knew of what he had been to HYDRA, and Steve knew what he had been before HYDRA.
Somehow, as quickly as it had come, the mood was slipping away from him as he thought longer and harder about everything. Where was his clarity? He shook his head a little as if to clear it, peering down at Rumlow trapped under him.]
You must very much enjoy my face since you have a clone of it in the house.
Semantics, Bucky. [Rumlow said, shaking his head.] But don't worry about it. I just wanted to compliment you. If you don't like it, I won't do it.
[He cupped his face, trying to keep him in the moment, he could already see his gaze grow distant. The Soldier shook his head, but Rumlow kept his hand in place. He snorted again at his words.]
It's just a coincidence. Chase caught my interest at first from that, but has since proven useful and unique from you in his magic. Besides, you two couldn't be more different. I've told you this before, haven't I?
[Rumlow sighed and pulled him back in, letting him bury his face in his neck again if he wanted.]
[He felt the pull of an arm under his grip, and he let it go so that Rumlow's hand could settle on his face. He slid his other hand off to settle on the mattress as well, but he leaned into the contact to his cheek, the warmth of Rumlow's palm absorbing into his skin. There was always something comforting about those callouses, all of them earned over years of hard work and weapons handling.]
I didn't say that I didn't like it. [He just... didn't want Rumlow apply back then to now, perhaps? A now he could remember and a then he could not.] Did you... want to be my lover back when we were in HYDRA formal? Back when we were alive, I mean?
[He nodded, not contesting how different he and Chase were, especially in Rumlow's eyes. Their faces may have been the same, but they were almost opposites in almost every other way.] You have, and I do know that. By my calculation, I'm also five times his age.
[He went with the pull, nestling his face into Rumlow's neck and then using his thighs to turn them so that he could wrap his legs entirely around Rumlow's hips as he lay them out on their sides instead.]
No. I am. I had something in the bathroom, and it's just... slipped from my grasp.
I didn't know you like I do now. Physically, sure. I was attracted, would have enjoyed having you like this. But within the constraints of how HYDRA kept you, I doubt it would've been possible as anything more than a fuck that I wouldn't have even been able to give you a choice about.
[And even then he doubted Pierce would've let him. He would have had to order the Soldier to bend over, which granted, would have been hot in its own right, but dangerous. A risk Rumlow might not have been allowed to take, given his value to HYDRA. His words didn't exactly answer the Soldier's question, but it wasn't an easy issue to address, considering the complexity of the situation.]
Think your calculation is shy a few years. You're 97. Just short of 80 years his senior, but I'd say you only look 10 years older. Still a pretty big gap. [Rumlow shrugged as he stroked the Soldier's hair, down his back, across his wounds and back up.] But what kind of something did you have? Seemed like you wanted to turn things up between us, still did until just now.
Yes, I didn't have value as a person back then. I was solely a well-tuned weapon. [And no one was a lover to their weapon. Or at least they shouldn't be as far as he knew. It was incredibly dangerous.
But the answer was there enough that he garnered that Rumlow might want to have bedded him like he did with Chase, but it wouldn't particularly be anything other than a conquest. It would have been an act to cross off a goal or a list, and back then, he knew that he was unpredictable when handlers abused their power. He also wasn't often awake long enough to make a conquest of.]
And he is eighteen. I am approximately five-point-two times his senior. [His shoulders shivered at the pass of that hand over the wounds, always so sensitive. They were getting more so which each day he had noted.] I need to give you anything you wanted, but now... I find myself distracted from that goal. Like I should only do so when I can perform at the highest integrity.
[Rumlow nodded at the Soldier's self assessment. He understood how that felt himself. Giving less than his standard was frustrating and doing things for others without want of his own doubly so. It was the other side of the coin in teaching the Soldier to make his own choices. But Rumlow respected it because he had made the decision to give him that choice.
He continued his soothing strokes along the Soldier's back, neck, through his hair and down again. His fingers dragged light over the edge of one wound and then the other. He absently wondered again if the pleasure the Soldier derived from the contact was simply masochism or if there was something unique about those wounds.]
If you're conflicted over what you want, you can tell me. I'm not gonna put you down for not being in the mood. I mean, of course I enjoy it when you're into it, into me, and it makes me happy when you engage on your own, but I also get that this isn't exactly what you've been trained for. It's a learning experience and I understand you value integrity.
[Rumlow paused to yawn, throat hurting a little in the stretch.]
I've been encouraging it, so I'd be a hypocrite to deny you. But don't be afraid to tell me, or show me if your words aren't coming so easily. Like I said, we're partners. So it's just as much me and you as it is you and me, yeah?
[He settled down again with Rumlow's continual touching, finding it soothing and welcoming even as he slid his hands to slide his palms up and down his commander's ribs in reply. It was slow firm strokes, adding just enough pressure to be just shy of painful he knew. He leaned into Rumlow's hands, shivering with each contact just shy of the depths of his open wounds across his shoulders. There was always a tingle of excitement to mix with the pain of them, and Rumlow's touch always managed to straddle the balance between those two sensations.
The problem with his own personal conflict was that he was designed to perform and do exceedingly well at his occupation, but physical affection, emotional connection, and psychological well-being were not aspects included in his training. He found himself groping in the dark, finding bursts of inspiration and then more often time like this, where he knew best to serve only as a weapon. It created a discord between the duty to perform and the knowledge that he might fail.]
No, my last mission had nothing to do with seduction. This doesn't even ride like an intensive training session to learn new technology or skills. I don't want to disappoint you with my performance.
[He shifted sideways so that he could plaster himself up against Rumlow's side, his metal arm pinned under his own weight and his right spanning the width of his commander's waist.]
I suppose. Wouldn't it be easier for you to command me what with my limitations?
[Whether the Soldier was attempting to recreate the odd pleasure-pain that he felt from Rumlow touching his wounds or not, he wasn't sure. Either way, the pressure against his ribs was weird and with his lungs still a little unhappy after the choke hold, he felt his breath catch. He stopped before long though and Rumlow settled back, at least until the Soldier shifted off of him and pinned his arm under his own. Rumlow quickly slithered it out before it could get crushed beneath the metal.
Rubbing at the skin absently, Rumlow turned his head to look at the Soldier. He frowned a bit. Maybe he should make it more like a training session. Craft it in such a way that it maintained autonomy for the Soldier but focused on instruction.]
It would be easier, but that's not what this is about. If I ordered you, it wouldn't be real. I can give you lessons in a more structured format, if you want, but it'd be about teaching you how to do this or that, not commanding you to do them. [Rumlow pauses, then cracked a grin, chuckling.] Besides, it's not like I can order you to get hard.
[He shifted, letting Rumlow's arm go without hindrance but still purposefully keeping his metal arm down against the bed and pressed into the mattress with the weight of his body. His flesh fingers stretched and stroked Rumlow's skin, settling in as they were about to return to the previous occupation of attempting to sleep.
He watched the brief frown appear on his commander's lips and decidedly glanced aside from it. That was not an expression that he wanted to create on Rumlow's face.]
No, it wouldn't be real. The date wasn't structured, and it went well. Perhaps I planned it a little as if I were attending to a mission, but we were free to do as we liked. I clearly require more time to try to navigate all of these interactions. [He never thought of Rumlow ordering him in that way, but he doubted that it would actually work.]
If you did and I failed,I would expect punishment. You know that, right?
Bucky, I was kidding. [Rumlow had to say, first and foremost.] And I think you're overthinking it. Just do what feels good and what you think I would like. That's what I do. Hell, that's what anyone does.
[He sighed, not upset, only tired. The adrenaline was starting to wear off, he thought. He leaned in, hovering in front of his face for a moment before he persisted and pressed a kiss to the Soldier's lips. It lingered for a few moments, then he pulled back, settling once again.]
So, if you think the date was helpful, we'll go on more dates. Sound good?
Thinking is what I've been trained to do. My emotions and experiences have been repressed for however long I've been on active duty. [This was all new territory, and he wanted to expand on that, but doing what felt 'good' was often muddled up with so many other pulls on his mind and body that it was confusing. There were checks and balances that he was overriding after all.
He sighed into the kiss, leaning for it because it was something that he could find enjoyment in and knew that he was also good at. An old skill, once more brought to the fore.]
Only if you have time. I know you're busy setting in motion all the pieces to start things for HYDRA again.
I know. [And he did. It wasn't a bad thing, exactly, just not working in the Soldier's favor for this particular task.] I'm not blaming you for it. And I'll make time. That's part of a partnership. Making efforts for the other person. Besides, I had a lot of fun, and it's good to go out and blow off some steam. We can worry about the rest in the morning though, yeah?
[He smiled again, once again trying for reassuring. The kisses seemed to work best with that, though. Fine by him. Rumlow came in for another, arm settled atop him, drawing him in to touch lips, chaste for the first few. A bit of tongue for the latter couple.]
[He nodded, aware that he had much to learn and incorporate into his person.] Yes, the morning will bring new opportunities for me to learn. [In his mind, he would currently do anything to assist Rumlow.
And of course the kisses helped to settle him back down, his eyes gradually closing a little more after each one. He responded to each and then nestled his cheek down against his commander's shoulder, letting out a sigh as he kept himself tucked close to Rumlow's side.] Good night.
[Things wound down, instead of up, but Rumlow was okay with it. He was content enough with the Soldier in his arms. Conflict was bound to happen, but as long as his loyalty wasn't in question, Rumlow wouldn't spend too much time worrying. He was able to quiet his thoughts at least, with the help of their numerous goodnight kisses.
The Soldier's murmured words got soft reply in return, Rumlow's eyes already closed as he relaxed, tangled together. His breath slowed and he eventually succumbed to sleep.]
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Date: 2016-07-29 03:54 am (UTC)His hands smoothed up, grasping as Rumlow's arms as he tucked his legs in closer, sliding his feet under his commander's knees. He stilled at the call of his name, unable to gauge the tone.]
Rumlow?
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Date: 2016-07-29 04:02 am (UTC)[Rumlow said in a rough voice. He could feel his hot breath against his throat, soothing against the bruised skin. He swallowed, Adam's apple bumping against him. His fingers scraped lightly across the Soldier's scalp and his hips gently rocked upwards. The muscles of his arms flexed beneath his hold, the feel of the metal palm setting his skin to react. His nipples grew stiff in the space between them, a shiver running through him.
He huffed out a laugh, nudging at the Soldier's face with his own, attempting to beckon him up.]
Come up here, I wanna look at you.
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Date: 2016-07-29 04:13 am (UTC)[The statement confused him, had him bunkering down over Rumlow and burrowing his face tighter against his commander's throat. He was nothing like the lover he had seen Rumlow take in Chase, and they were barely considered lovers based on the definition that he had read. Okay, one date, some dancing and grinding and then all this odd flirting that they seemed to do. Sometimes it lead somewhere, sometimes it didn't. There were moments when he just ran out of steam on what to do.
He flexed his hands and shuffled his legs in so that Rumlow was aware of how strong his hold could be if there was pressure set against him. He did lift his head with the request, peering at his commander, his eyes darting to the red welt of his teeth indentation on Rumlow's pectoral. It wouldn't bruise and didn't break skin, but it was red and angry looking.]
You've seen everything before, you know.
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Date: 2016-07-29 04:18 am (UTC)Just because my dick's never been in your ass doesn't meant we're not. And you're definitely more remarkable than Chase. I mean, nothing against the kid, but who you are? What you've done? For HYDRA, the world? Me? It's pretty fucking remarkable.
[And the Soldier looked at him, not without making sure Rumlow knew he wasn't going to be allowed to escape. Not that he really had any intention though. He was perfectly fine with being pinned at the moment.]
And yeah, I've seen it before. Doesn't mean I've gotten tired of seeing it.
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Date: 2016-07-29 04:24 am (UTC)[And titles were about the only way he could describe moments in his life, but even now, there was confusion. He didn't know who he was or what he had done because he had no memories of that time, just the last hours before he had died and everything that had occurred so far. Rumlow knew of what he had been to HYDRA, and Steve knew what he had been before HYDRA.
Somehow, as quickly as it had come, the mood was slipping away from him as he thought longer and harder about everything. Where was his clarity? He shook his head a little as if to clear it, peering down at Rumlow trapped under him.]
You must very much enjoy my face since you have a clone of it in the house.
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Date: 2016-07-29 04:31 am (UTC)[He cupped his face, trying to keep him in the moment, he could already see his gaze grow distant. The Soldier shook his head, but Rumlow kept his hand in place. He snorted again at his words.]
It's just a coincidence. Chase caught my interest at first from that, but has since proven useful and unique from you in his magic. Besides, you two couldn't be more different. I've told you this before, haven't I?
[Rumlow sighed and pulled him back in, letting him bury his face in his neck again if he wanted.]
Sorry, I'm fucking this up.
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Date: 2016-07-29 04:38 am (UTC)I didn't say that I didn't like it. [He just... didn't want Rumlow apply back then to now, perhaps? A now he could remember and a then he could not.] Did you... want to be my lover back when we were in HYDRA formal? Back when we were alive, I mean?
[He nodded, not contesting how different he and Chase were, especially in Rumlow's eyes. Their faces may have been the same, but they were almost opposites in almost every other way.] You have, and I do know that. By my calculation, I'm also five times his age.
[He went with the pull, nestling his face into Rumlow's neck and then using his thighs to turn them so that he could wrap his legs entirely around Rumlow's hips as he lay them out on their sides instead.]
No. I am. I had something in the bathroom, and it's just... slipped from my grasp.
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Date: 2016-07-29 01:51 pm (UTC)[And even then he doubted Pierce would've let him. He would have had to order the Soldier to bend over, which granted, would have been hot in its own right, but dangerous. A risk Rumlow might not have been allowed to take, given his value to HYDRA. His words didn't exactly answer the Soldier's question, but it wasn't an easy issue to address, considering the complexity of the situation.]
Think your calculation is shy a few years. You're 97. Just short of 80 years his senior, but I'd say you only look 10 years older. Still a pretty big gap. [Rumlow shrugged as he stroked the Soldier's hair, down his back, across his wounds and back up.] But what kind of something did you have? Seemed like you wanted to turn things up between us, still did until just now.
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Date: 2016-07-29 02:13 pm (UTC)But the answer was there enough that he garnered that Rumlow might want to have bedded him like he did with Chase, but it wouldn't particularly be anything other than a conquest. It would have been an act to cross off a goal or a list, and back then, he knew that he was unpredictable when handlers abused their power. He also wasn't often awake long enough to make a conquest of.]
And he is eighteen. I am approximately five-point-two times his senior. [His shoulders shivered at the pass of that hand over the wounds, always so sensitive. They were getting more so which each day he had noted.] I need to give you anything you wanted, but now... I find myself distracted from that goal. Like I should only do so when I can perform at the highest integrity.
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Date: 2016-07-29 02:52 pm (UTC)He continued his soothing strokes along the Soldier's back, neck, through his hair and down again. His fingers dragged light over the edge of one wound and then the other. He absently wondered again if the pleasure the Soldier derived from the contact was simply masochism or if there was something unique about those wounds.]
If you're conflicted over what you want, you can tell me. I'm not gonna put you down for not being in the mood. I mean, of course I enjoy it when you're into it, into me, and it makes me happy when you engage on your own, but I also get that this isn't exactly what you've been trained for. It's a learning experience and I understand you value integrity.
[Rumlow paused to yawn, throat hurting a little in the stretch.]
I've been encouraging it, so I'd be a hypocrite to deny you. But don't be afraid to tell me, or show me if your words aren't coming so easily. Like I said, we're partners. So it's just as much me and you as it is you and me, yeah?
no subject
Date: 2016-07-30 01:47 am (UTC)The problem with his own personal conflict was that he was designed to perform and do exceedingly well at his occupation, but physical affection, emotional connection, and psychological well-being were not aspects included in his training. He found himself groping in the dark, finding bursts of inspiration and then more often time like this, where he knew best to serve only as a weapon. It created a discord between the duty to perform and the knowledge that he might fail.]
No, my last mission had nothing to do with seduction. This doesn't even ride like an intensive training session to learn new technology or skills. I don't want to disappoint you with my performance.
[He shifted sideways so that he could plaster himself up against Rumlow's side, his metal arm pinned under his own weight and his right spanning the width of his commander's waist.]
I suppose. Wouldn't it be easier for you to command me what with my limitations?
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Date: 2016-07-30 02:13 am (UTC)Rubbing at the skin absently, Rumlow turned his head to look at the Soldier. He frowned a bit. Maybe he should make it more like a training session. Craft it in such a way that it maintained autonomy for the Soldier but focused on instruction.]
It would be easier, but that's not what this is about. If I ordered you, it wouldn't be real. I can give you lessons in a more structured format, if you want, but it'd be about teaching you how to do this or that, not commanding you to do them. [Rumlow pauses, then cracked a grin, chuckling.] Besides, it's not like I can order you to get hard.
[Though man, that would be a trick.]
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Date: 2016-07-30 02:34 am (UTC)He watched the brief frown appear on his commander's lips and decidedly glanced aside from it. That was not an expression that he wanted to create on Rumlow's face.]
No, it wouldn't be real. The date wasn't structured, and it went well. Perhaps I planned it a little as if I were attending to a mission, but we were free to do as we liked. I clearly require more time to try to navigate all of these interactions. [He never thought of Rumlow ordering him in that way, but he doubted that it would actually work.]
If you did and I failed,I would expect punishment. You know that, right?
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Date: 2016-07-30 02:55 am (UTC)[He sighed, not upset, only tired. The adrenaline was starting to wear off, he thought. He leaned in, hovering in front of his face for a moment before he persisted and pressed a kiss to the Soldier's lips. It lingered for a few moments, then he pulled back, settling once again.]
So, if you think the date was helpful, we'll go on more dates. Sound good?
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Date: 2016-07-30 03:01 am (UTC)He sighed into the kiss, leaning for it because it was something that he could find enjoyment in and knew that he was also good at. An old skill, once more brought to the fore.]
Only if you have time. I know you're busy setting in motion all the pieces to start things for HYDRA again.
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Date: 2016-07-30 04:15 am (UTC)[He smiled again, once again trying for reassuring. The kisses seemed to work best with that, though. Fine by him. Rumlow came in for another, arm settled atop him, drawing him in to touch lips, chaste for the first few. A bit of tongue for the latter couple.]
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Date: 2016-07-30 01:15 pm (UTC)And of course the kisses helped to settle him back down, his eyes gradually closing a little more after each one. He responded to each and then nestled his cheek down against his commander's shoulder, letting out a sigh as he kept himself tucked close to Rumlow's side.] Good night.
no subject
Date: 2016-07-31 12:39 am (UTC)The Soldier's murmured words got soft reply in return, Rumlow's eyes already closed as he relaxed, tangled together. His breath slowed and he eventually succumbed to sleep.]