comesfrompain | [ to-do list ]

[The teasing touch his navel has Rumlow lifting a brow, the muscles of his stomach hitching slightly. It was an odd sensation, usually done by a tongue rather than a finger but he wasn't going to chide the Soldier about it or anything. The nipple now, he thought with a rumble, that was a play he rolled with easily. He maintained the same stare the Soldier leveled him with. There was heat in his gaze, however, and he was beginning to wonder whether the Solider only had cleaning in mind.

He could easily aim his thoughts that way, let the sensation of the warm, wet cloth running across his skin and the view of the Soldier's (unreasonably attractive) face work him into a state of arousal. What Rumlow was more curious about was whether or not it was the Soldier's intent rather than his own. Would he instigate without further prompting?]

I'm curious to hear your ideas.

[Rumlow said, grinning.]

[He took care to wash Rumlow even as he explored the limitations of contact between them. He knew, of course, that the limitations were his own and his commander was open-minded enough to allow him to do almost anything at this point so long as it kept them into contact. With nightmares chased away and the offering of staying the night here in the air, they could linger as they pleased. It wasn't as if either of them needed sleep, but he continued the practice for routine and to reorder his thoughts and memories.

He dragged the cloth around in slow methodical circles, pausing to rub at a particularly large smear of blood on Rumlow's chest. He leaned in enough to nip at the corner of his commander's jaw and then butting that same area with his nose as his left arm curled its way around his commander's waist loosely.]

Just touching you right now. However, I have come to understand that you like to be pinned places....

[Rumlow's tail twitched as the Soldier grew near. He tilted his head up at the nip, teeth scraping against stubble, prompting a purr. The arm was cooler, in the air conditioned house and Rumlow's skin pebbled, as much from the intent of the contact as the touch itself. His eyes darkened, glancing skywards in a habitual display of gratitude. (Ironic considering where he was, probably.)

His teeth dragged over his bottom lip, and his tail meandered towards the Soldier, ghosting across his skin. Two could play at that game, Rumlow thought, wrapping it around the asset and drawing him that much closer. Not very conducive to cleaning, but Hell. This was far more fun.]

Oh yeah?

[He asked, putting an arm around him and drawing fingertips delicately across his back, granting him only the lightest of touches over his wounds.]

[He twisted his metal arm so that the subtle ridges of the plates slid along Rumlow's skin. When he clenched his fingers, the plates along his forearm shifted position, brushing skin even more and giving just a small taste of the power that was held underneath the shining silver. He shifted his weight to feel the brush of tail on his bare skin, letting it do as it willed as he stroked the cloth in long lines up and down Rumlow's chest and abs.

As nice as a shower would be, he dropped the cloth between them when his commander's flesh was clean and damp. It glistened with small droplets of water, and he pressed his own chest in against it, using his body to urge Rumlow backwards. He herded his commander back towards the bed, rolling his shoulders in the small flares of delicious pain at his wounds.]

I am the only one that I've noted you allow to push you around physically. Even seem to enjoy it, sir.

Maybe I do.

[If maybe was spelled y-e-s. Rumlow wasn't gonna deny it, the fact that there was something hot about letting the Soldier push him around. He wasn't sure if it was a dominance thing or just something to do with the Soldier wanting him or what, but he sure as Hell wasn't subtle about enjoying it.

Didn't fuss even the slightest bit at being shuffled backwards, keeping his steps steady so neither fell down. As the back of his knees hit the bed, Rumlow stayed standing, waiting until the Soldier decided to shove him down or whatever it was he had in mind. Not that he'd fall without bringing him down with, tail still secure about his waist like it was.]

You seem to like it plenty yourself.

You seem to like it when I enjoy myself. You indulge me where no other handler probably ever has.

[With Rumlow backed up to the bed, he set his feet on either side of his commander's, using his knees to clamp onto Rumlow. He leaned his body in still, keeping the same amount of contact even if he was no longer herding the other man around.

He allowed his metal hand to stroke over the small of his commander's back, reaching the base of that tail and curling his digits around it. One stroke, two, and then a third as his flesh fingers spidered up Rumlow's chest and then neck where caressed the back of his fingers along the lump of his commander's Adam's apple. He suddenly curled his fingers there and moved to lift Rumlow up by the neck, dropping his head to bite at his commander's pectoral.]

Seem? Didn't think I had to make it more obvious.

[Rumlow chuckled, eyes tracking the Soldier's as he started to toy with his tail. It felt very peculiar, though Rumlow chalked it up to the limb still being relatively new. He rumbled his pleasure as the touch shifted too, across the planes of his chest and even over his neck -- until he felt metal fingers around his throat.

That brought him to focus quick. His tail immediately tightened around the Soldier, stronger than it looked. It wasn't until the bite that he realized it wasn't intended as a real attack. Didn't stop it from hurting, though. Not that he could really complain, the pressure on his trachea was making it next to impossible to talk. Instead, he let out a strangled sort of noise, making the split second decision to trust the Soldier, in spite of the fact that his brain was screaming to do the opposite. He wouldn't resist.]

[He watched Rumlow avidly, picking up that moment of panic that seemed to pick at memories and made some of the old dream material settle more into place. Except, unlike what he expected happened in his dreams, Rumlow didn't claw, kick and fight him as his hold remained and he lifted his commander to the height of his own reach, letting that tail tighten to an amazing strength.

He hissed in almost pleasure before he leaned forward, his metal arm keeping its hold on the base of Rumlow's tail as he suddenly took them both to the bed with a careful pre-planned precision so that his commander landed across most of the bed, and he could relent on his throat grip but maintain the one on the tail so that the new appendage wouldn't be pinched or buckled as his weight settled on Rumlow. He pinned snaked up and pinned Rumlow to the bed, mouthing along his commander's jaw.]

You really do trust me.

[As soon as that hold eased off, Rumlow sucked in a breath, a vein having already popped in his eye. He rolled them down, staring at the Soldier while his tail stayed tight around him, as if it had a mind of its own. He swallowed, wincing slightly. He couldn't see the Soldier's face now, and his head tilted back, both to relieve pressure and offer himself even now.]

I do. [He croaked, a hand coming up to stroke through the Soldier's hair.] We're partners.

[He bucked slightly beneath him, hips nudging up in a pointless bid for attention. If this was a game for the Soldier, playing at dominance and seduction, he might as well aim for the most obvious target.]

[He settled down on Rumlow, straddling his commander's hips even as they hitched up towards him. He most of his weight to his knees so that Rumlow was free to squirm and thrust at him but would be hard pressed to wiggle away from him with his hands settling on Rumlow's elbows. He butted his nose against his commander's jaw, exhaling.

It was some odd sensation that a handler always had a hand on his leash no matter what kind of words came out of their mouth. He certainly could never manhandle one like he had just done without expecting at least a few blasts from a car battery.

The fact that Rumlow reiterated that they were partners washed the rest of the nagging sensations from his nightmares away. He sighed again, nudging his nose against Rumlow's jaw, his fingers flexing around those impressive arms.]

[The return sigh came from him a little more ragged than he would have liked, but it came all the same. His fingers tangled in the Soldier's hair, drawing it up into a bundle and away from his neck. He tilted his head slightly, lips catching on some part of the Soldier's face, high on his cheek, Rumlow thought, he was closing his eyes.

His heart still pounding from the rush of adrenaline that pumped through him, Rumlow wondered yet again -- was this all intended to arouse or was the Soldier just playing with him? Testing his boundaries, now that Rumlow had given him free rein to do so? He opened his eyes again.]

Bucky.

[He leaned into the contact of lips against his cheek, so close to his eye that he was certain that his commander could feel the brush of his long lashes as he closed them. He weaseled away, burrowing his face into Rumlow's neck where he could allow himself to feel the gentle beat of his commander's pulse against his neck. That was an illusion he knew; they were dead. There was no pulse, yet they persisted as if they were not. The soul was a strange concept.

His hands smoothed up, grasping as Rumlow's arms as he tucked his legs in closer, sliding his feet under his commander's knees. He stilled at the call of his name, unable to gauge the tone.]

Rumlow?

You've gotta be the most remarkable lover I've ever had.

[Rumlow said in a rough voice. He could feel his hot breath against his throat, soothing against the bruised skin. He swallowed, Adam's apple bumping against him. His fingers scraped lightly across the Soldier's scalp and his hips gently rocked upwards. The muscles of his arms flexed beneath his hold, the feel of the metal palm setting his skin to react. His nipples grew stiff in the space between them, a shiver running through him.

He huffed out a laugh, nudging at the Soldier's face with his own, attempting to beckon him up.]

Come up here, I wanna look at you.

That doesn't seem correct at all...

[The statement confused him, had him bunkering down over Rumlow and burrowing his face tighter against his commander's throat. He was nothing like the lover he had seen Rumlow take in Chase, and they were barely considered lovers based on the definition that he had read. Okay, one date, some dancing and grinding and then all this odd flirting that they seemed to do. Sometimes it lead somewhere, sometimes it didn't. There were moments when he just ran out of steam on what to do.

He flexed his hands and shuffled his legs in so that Rumlow was aware of how strong his hold could be if there was pressure set against him. He did lift his head with the request, peering at his commander, his eyes darting to the red welt of his teeth indentation on Rumlow's pectoral. It wouldn't bruise and didn't break skin, but it was red and angry looking.]

You've seen everything before, you know.

[Rumlow snorted at the Soldier's statement of doubt.]

Just because my dick's never been in your ass doesn't meant we're not. And you're definitely more remarkable than Chase. I mean, nothing against the kid, but who you are? What you've done? For HYDRA, the world? Me? It's pretty fucking remarkable.

[And the Soldier looked at him, not without making sure Rumlow knew he wasn't going to be allowed to escape. Not that he really had any intention though. He was perfectly fine with being pinned at the moment.]

And yeah, I've seen it before. Doesn't mean I've gotten tired of seeing it.

But we've only become lovers recently. All my previous endeavors were long before any of this happened.

[And titles were about the only way he could describe moments in his life, but even now, there was confusion. He didn't know who he was or what he had done because he had no memories of that time, just the last hours before he had died and everything that had occurred so far. Rumlow knew of what he had been to HYDRA, and Steve knew what he had been before HYDRA.

Somehow, as quickly as it had come, the mood was slipping away from him as he thought longer and harder about everything. Where was his clarity? He shook his head a little as if to clear it, peering down at Rumlow trapped under him.]

You must very much enjoy my face since you have a clone of it in the house.

Semantics, Bucky. [Rumlow said, shaking his head.] But don't worry about it. I just wanted to compliment you. If you don't like it, I won't do it.

[He cupped his face, trying to keep him in the moment, he could already see his gaze grow distant. The Soldier shook his head, but Rumlow kept his hand in place. He snorted again at his words.]

It's just a coincidence. Chase caught my interest at first from that, but has since proven useful and unique from you in his magic. Besides, you two couldn't be more different. I've told you this before, haven't I?

[Rumlow sighed and pulled him back in, letting him bury his face in his neck again if he wanted.]

Sorry, I'm fucking this up.

[He felt the pull of an arm under his grip, and he let it go so that Rumlow's hand could settle on his face. He slid his other hand off to settle on the mattress as well, but he leaned into the contact to his cheek, the warmth of Rumlow's palm absorbing into his skin. There was always something comforting about those callouses, all of them earned over years of hard work and weapons handling.]

I didn't say that I didn't like it. [He just... didn't want Rumlow apply back then to now, perhaps? A now he could remember and a then he could not.] Did you... want to be my lover back when we were in HYDRA formal? Back when we were alive, I mean?

[He nodded, not contesting how different he and Chase were, especially in Rumlow's eyes. Their faces may have been the same, but they were almost opposites in almost every other way.] You have, and I do know that. By my calculation, I'm also five times his age.

[He went with the pull, nestling his face into Rumlow's neck and then using his thighs to turn them so that he could wrap his legs entirely around Rumlow's hips as he lay them out on their sides instead.]

No. I am. I had something in the bathroom, and it's just... slipped from my grasp.

I didn't know you like I do now. Physically, sure. I was attracted, would have enjoyed having you like this. But within the constraints of how HYDRA kept you, I doubt it would've been possible as anything more than a fuck that I wouldn't have even been able to give you a choice about.

[And even then he doubted Pierce would've let him. He would have had to order the Soldier to bend over, which granted, would have been hot in its own right, but dangerous. A risk Rumlow might not have been allowed to take, given his value to HYDRA. His words didn't exactly answer the Soldier's question, but it wasn't an easy issue to address, considering the complexity of the situation.]

Think your calculation is shy a few years. You're 97. Just short of 80 years his senior, but I'd say you only look 10 years older. Still a pretty big gap. [Rumlow shrugged as he stroked the Soldier's hair, down his back, across his wounds and back up.] But what kind of something did you have? Seemed like you wanted to turn things up between us, still did until just now.

Yes, I didn't have value as a person back then. I was solely a well-tuned weapon. [And no one was a lover to their weapon. Or at least they shouldn't be as far as he knew. It was incredibly dangerous.

But the answer was there enough that he garnered that Rumlow might want to have bedded him like he did with Chase, but it wouldn't particularly be anything other than a conquest. It would have been an act to cross off a goal or a list, and back then, he knew that he was unpredictable when handlers abused their power. He also wasn't often awake long enough to make a conquest of.]

And he is eighteen. I am approximately five-point-two times his senior. [His shoulders shivered at the pass of that hand over the wounds, always so sensitive. They were getting more so which each day he had noted.] I need to give you anything you wanted, but now... I find myself distracted from that goal. Like I should only do so when I can perform at the highest integrity.

[Rumlow nodded at the Soldier's self assessment. He understood how that felt himself. Giving less than his standard was frustrating and doing things for others without want of his own doubly so. It was the other side of the coin in teaching the Soldier to make his own choices. But Rumlow respected it because he had made the decision to give him that choice.

He continued his soothing strokes along the Soldier's back, neck, through his hair and down again. His fingers dragged light over the edge of one wound and then the other. He absently wondered again if the pleasure the Soldier derived from the contact was simply masochism or if there was something unique about those wounds.]

If you're conflicted over what you want, you can tell me. I'm not gonna put you down for not being in the mood. I mean, of course I enjoy it when you're into it, into me, and it makes me happy when you engage on your own, but I also get that this isn't exactly what you've been trained for. It's a learning experience and I understand you value integrity.

[Rumlow paused to yawn, throat hurting a little in the stretch.]

I've been encouraging it, so I'd be a hypocrite to deny you. But don't be afraid to tell me, or show me if your words aren't coming so easily. Like I said, we're partners. So it's just as much me and you as it is you and me, yeah?

[He settled down again with Rumlow's continual touching, finding it soothing and welcoming even as he slid his hands to slide his palms up and down his commander's ribs in reply. It was slow firm strokes, adding just enough pressure to be just shy of painful he knew. He leaned into Rumlow's hands, shivering with each contact just shy of the depths of his open wounds across his shoulders. There was always a tingle of excitement to mix with the pain of them, and Rumlow's touch always managed to straddle the balance between those two sensations.

The problem with his own personal conflict was that he was designed to perform and do exceedingly well at his occupation, but physical affection, emotional connection, and psychological well-being were not aspects included in his training. He found himself groping in the dark, finding bursts of inspiration and then more often time like this, where he knew best to serve only as a weapon. It created a discord between the duty to perform and the knowledge that he might fail.]

No, my last mission had nothing to do with seduction. This doesn't even ride like an intensive training session to learn new technology or skills. I don't want to disappoint you with my performance.

[He shifted sideways so that he could plaster himself up against Rumlow's side, his metal arm pinned under his own weight and his right spanning the width of his commander's waist.]

I suppose. Wouldn't it be easier for you to command me what with my limitations?

[Whether the Soldier was attempting to recreate the odd pleasure-pain that he felt from Rumlow touching his wounds or not, he wasn't sure. Either way, the pressure against his ribs was weird and with his lungs still a little unhappy after the choke hold, he felt his breath catch. He stopped before long though and Rumlow settled back, at least until the Soldier shifted off of him and pinned his arm under his own. Rumlow quickly slithered it out before it could get crushed beneath the metal.

Rubbing at the skin absently, Rumlow turned his head to look at the Soldier. He frowned a bit. Maybe he should make it more like a training session. Craft it in such a way that it maintained autonomy for the Soldier but focused on instruction.]

It would be easier, but that's not what this is about. If I ordered you, it wouldn't be real. I can give you lessons in a more structured format, if you want, but it'd be about teaching you how to do this or that, not commanding you to do them. [Rumlow pauses, then cracked a grin, chuckling.] Besides, it's not like I can order you to get hard.

[Though man, that would be a trick.]

[He shifted, letting Rumlow's arm go without hindrance but still purposefully keeping his metal arm down against the bed and pressed into the mattress with the weight of his body. His flesh fingers stretched and stroked Rumlow's skin, settling in as they were about to return to the previous occupation of attempting to sleep.

He watched the brief frown appear on his commander's lips and decidedly glanced aside from it. That was not an expression that he wanted to create on Rumlow's face.]

No, it wouldn't be real. The date wasn't structured, and it went well. Perhaps I planned it a little as if I were attending to a mission, but we were free to do as we liked. I clearly require more time to try to navigate all of these interactions. [He never thought of Rumlow ordering him in that way, but he doubted that it would actually work.]

If you did and I failed,I would expect punishment. You know that, right?

Bucky, I was kidding. [Rumlow had to say, first and foremost.] And I think you're overthinking it. Just do what feels good and what you think I would like. That's what I do. Hell, that's what anyone does.

[He sighed, not upset, only tired. The adrenaline was starting to wear off, he thought. He leaned in, hovering in front of his face for a moment before he persisted and pressed a kiss to the Soldier's lips. It lingered for a few moments, then he pulled back, settling once again.]

So, if you think the date was helpful, we'll go on more dates. Sound good?

[ to-do list ]

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