[ to-do list ]

[comesfrompain]

1) Put Rogers' head on a spike
2) Take over Hell
3) Unbreak Bucky's dick
4) Buy milk

Comments

text; un: mynameisjefferson

[royalpassport]

[ Several days after this post. ]

do you have a moment?
i have some questions and nobody else i can ask

text; un: crossbones

[comesfrompain]

[Now isn't this a surprise. Rumlow wonders what it's all about.]

What's up?

[royalpassport]

well!
most people i've met here are from worlds like yours
and not worlds like mine

so
it

[ STOP HITTING SEND AND JUST GATHER YOUR THOUGHTS, WEIRDO. ]

i was wondering if you could tell me about how romance and other such things are handled in your world

[ PLS GIVE HIM TIPS ON PLEASING MODERN INDEPENDENT WOMEN. ]

[comesfrompain]

Romance? I can't imagine it's that different, except there's more shit to do now.

[Gee, I wonder who you're thinking of romancing, Jefferson. Are you really messaging the guy she used to fuck?]

Or are you talking about sex?

[royalpassport]

[ BUCKY'S HIS ONLY OTHER MODERN DUDE FRIEND, OKAY. And he doesn't seem to have the answers. So he asks you, because you seem really wise and friendly. ]

both?
i've seen how it's done in some of the movies here
we don't do it like that where i'm from

[comesfrompain]

[You are so very socially inept, Jefferson. It's a wonder Kenzi even likes you.]

Like how?

[He needs a frame of reference.]

[royalpassport]

with whips and chains
and oddly shaped phalluses
and choking
and stepping on people's faces
(i don't understand any of it)

now, i know that's not the normal way of doing things in your land, either
but it does make me wonder if there are things i don't know, customs that are different...
do you understand?

[comesfrompain]

[Wow. Just. Wow. Did he really say phallus? What is this, a romance novel?]

There are a whole lot of different types of sex. They're usually called kinks or fetishes. Most of what you're saying are those. They're kind of like offshoots from the usual missionary bullshit.

There's probably a lot you're not familiar with. Like different sex positions.

[royalpassport]

[ WELL THEY DON'T HAVE THE WORD "DILDO" IN THE ENCHANTED FOREST. ]

i know different sex positions
:\

[comesfrompain]

Yeah? Like what? And what are the positions good for?

[royalpassport]

lover on top
against a wall
bent over
one person on the other's lap
and so on

[comesfrompain]

Yeah. Now what's the benefit of each? Or do you just take them for granted as variety?

[royalpassport]

i never thought that much about it to be honest
they were just fun in different ways

[ SEE. This is why he came to you, Rumlow. You're wise about these things. ]

[comesfrompain]

[You children these days. You know nothing about technique.]

Well, they are fun, but it's a Hell of a lot more than that. You got an idea what a G spot is?

[royalpassport]

a what?

[comesfrompain]

That answers that question. If you're fucking a girl, what do you expect is what feels good to her?

[royalpassport]

[ ALL THESE QUESTIONS. It's like he's trying to talk to Victor about this. All he wants to know is if there are any weird sex customs or taboos in your world, Rumlow! ]

many different things
like teasing the nub above her opening
or the lips and folds

or when you curl your fingers inside her
(that also works on men)
(i'm not sure if it works on women from the back end)

[comesfrompain]

[This is officially the weirdest conversation he's had in Hell.]

The nub is called a clitoris or clit. The opening is her vagina, but fuck don't call it that. Call it a cunt or a pussy, whatever. Opening makes it sound like she's a fucking cave.

[Rumlow sighs and continues messaging.]

An yeah, all of that's good. But I'm talking when your dick's in her cunt. What makes fucking her feel good? That's the G spot, ideally. Maybe some stimulus from her clit or from smacking against her ass.

[royalpassport]

i already know those words!

[ He just. Wasn't using them. TRYING TO BE CLASSY HERE. ]

oh
how do you find the g spot?

[comesfrompain]

Then use them. What, do you think I'm some kinda delicate flower?

[Jesus.]

Carefully. It's easier when you've got the right position, and even easier when you've got something better to rub against it.

[royalpassport]

no i don't think there's anything delicate about you

something better?
like what?

[comesfrompain]

They've got sex toys that can do it, but that takes the fun out of sticking your dick in someone. I just got an addition, personally. A piercing.

[royalpassport]

a piercing
on your cock?

[ ?????? WHY WOULD YOU? ]

[comesfrompain]

Yep. Makes it feel better for just about everyone.

[Why wouldn't he? Sure, he couldn't fuck for a few months, but he just dove into work and dealt with it. Once it healed though? So fucking worth it.]

[royalpassport]

i'll have to take your word for it

[ NOPE NOPE NOPE ]