[Every day there's a new memory, it seems. One he wakes up with, dripping from his subconscious like an ichor. Thick and heavy, unfinished. There are pieces missing, things Rumlow doesn't understand. Why? The question that lingers. Why would SHIELD have him do these things? Interrogation, sure. But beating someone near to death? Sure, they were a little shady, but torture seems a little beyond that.
It isn't even the worst part. Of course it isn't. He has to fulfill the cliche, doesn't he? So Rumlow grew a little distant. The last few days he's been trying to process it. Decide whether it's real or some sleeper implants, designed to test him or something. It's an escape and he knows it. Hates that it feels like running away, but he's got to be sure. Has to know that whatever's in his head is real. Because if he's going to accept it, he's got to come to terms with the fact that every blow, every punch, every impact of his fist into that man's skull felt good. That the drip of blood onto the floor was a part of the song as the man grunted and gasped, gurgling the blood that filled his broken mouth.
Rumlow blinks. Kenzi. She's standing before him, giving him a look that Rumlow knows means he's in trouble. She's noticed. Of course she's noticed. She is his wife, after all and not stupid. She can tell he's been isolating. Avoiding. He blinks again.]
That all it's been?
[He says, deflecting. It's not that he doesn't trust her. It's just, this is something Kenzi doesn't need to know. Doesn't need to find out. Her world is already unsteady and Rumlow knows he's one of the few steady points left within it. If he shakes that foundation -- he's not interested in letting her fall.]
To be fair, Kenzi, it is my job to be here, and y'know. Gotta get in my own workout too.
Oh, so you got jokes? Jokes and a bod. Weird. Maybe I'd notice these things more if, I don't know, you weren't totally avoiding me?
[She's onto him. Something's up, she just doesn't know what it is. Even if she wasn't so damn perceptive and intuitive, you start to pick up on things when you live with someone. World-shaking, life-altering events aside, she wants to help. The 'you're in trouble face' is only because she knows he's trying to hide shit from her.
Her arms uncross themselves and she puts her hands on his sweaty, giant shoulders and lightly shakes him.]
If you wanna get all technical, it's my job to check up on you and annoy you until you crack and tell me why you're stonewalling. No more weights until you tell me what's up. Are we getting a divorce? Are you in love with your heavy bag? Do you wanna see other facilities? Is that it?!
[See, this is why he'd been taking a step back. If he'd been around, she'd have noticed those thousand yard stares like he's got PTSD from this shit. 'Course now she notices anyway, because the absence is just as glaring. No real winning there. At least she's not so worried that she's lost her sense of humor.
Rumlow huffs a laugh, his hands coming up to circle around her wrists. He's not pulling them away, just holding her. The weights sit on either side of the bench and Rumlow's feet draw in to tuck them against the bottom so no one trips.]
We're not getting a divorce and no, 's much as I like rolling around on the floor with Sally, we ain't involved like that.
[He pauses. What can he even tell her? He hasn't destroyed the cameras here, so if he says he's getting back memories, that shit's on the record. No need to entice the authorities. He glances up towards where he knows one is. He hopes Kenzi will catch on.]
Just having a few thoughts about my time in the service. [He says, deciding to go for something that'll placate both her and any unwanted listeners. His gaze draws back down.] Things you see there, y'know. Hard to shake.
Okay, that's actually a relief, because now I don't have to cut a bitch and spill her insides all over the place.
[She doesn't want to admit just how much of an actual relief that is. Seriously, it's kind of embarrassing how attached she is. It's also really ill advised considering the situation they're in. They could be lying to each other through their teeth! There is literally nothing keeping them together, no common thread that connects them that she can recall.
It's trust that keeps her here. She trusts Rumlow and has faith that he's telling her the truth like she's been telling him.]
Riiiight. The service. [Even without that glance to the camera that she now knows better than to acknowledge, she'd get that he meant something else entirely. All the veterans here think they served together, when it's really just a cover. Another vague memory to hide the truth. Whatever he's actually having thoughts about, it's really throwing him off.]
I'm no shrink, but I feel like even Freud would agree with me that pumping iron and getting jacked with something like that on your mind is a recipe for bodily harm. Why didn't you say anything?
[Not a lot that he'd like to tell her anyway. Part of it is because he doesn't really know what these thoughts really are, at least. It's something they've all suffered from. Not knowing what's real and what's not. The blank spaces that make you paranoid when you dwell on them.
He gives her wrists a little squeeze, hands moving up her arms to draw her closer. It's not even really that he wants to push her away. It just seems like a necessity.]
Just somethin' I gotta deal with in my own head. [He plasters on a smile.] I appreciate you caring enough to come in here with all the sweat, though. Gonna have to shower like crazy to get the man-stink off.
[For some reason, she doesn't buy that, but she's not gonna press the matter. Especially not with the squeezing and the closeness and the-- uggggh. Killing the mood with the mention of man-stink. She makes a face, rolling her eyes but not pulling away.]
How much do you appreciate it? Because you're... incredibly sweaty right now. You're like... the sweatiest dude of all time and this is suffering. I'm sacrificing my fresh and clean to be here right now.
[Such sacrifice. Such leaning in. Such kiss.]
Oh my god-- I just realized... I am way too good for you! What am I even doing here? I should go. I totally should go.
[Humming at the kiss, Rumlow lets his mind calm for a moment. It's not so different as when he's sparring. Though if he had to choose, kissing would come first. Feels better. Except this one's over too soon.
He blinks at her declaration, taking a second before he realizes. His hands tighten and he grins, dragging her down onto the bench with him. She's doomed now. Rumlow's arms snake around her and she's lucky he's wearing a shirt. Or is it unlucky? Either way, Kenzi now has a nice coating of his sweat on her. (Not like it's the first time.)]
Can't go now. Not after showing me how much you care.
[A nice tease to come back at her after that little barb.]
[See, why doesn't he just kiss her more instead of getting all up in his head all the time? Problem solved.]
Wh-- no, nononono--
[GROOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSS! She's TRAPPED! Trapped and covered in SWEAT! And it's hot and sticky and gross and the more she struggles and squirms, the more perspiration gets on her clothes and skin!]
Brock, you're the worst! It's my day OFF! I had plans!
[She put on PANTS today! Now it's ruined, she'll have to go home and change! Ignore the fact that she's trying really hard not to laugh.]
[As if he'd let her go when he can distract her fully with this tactic. He plants a few kisses on her cheek, and maybe steals one from her lips. Her worries will abate for the time being. She'll go back to it later, he's sure, but she won't be here. And she'll be assuaged that it's not going to divide them -- not if he can help it.
Rumlow can keep a secret, for as long as it takes. He knows it's better if Kenzi isn't aware of this darker side of him. It would scare her, most likely, or turn her away. After the encounter with Rogers, Rumlow is well aware that his list of allies is thin. Worse is he's pretty sure whatever thoughts these are, they may well tie into what Rogers is so wary of.]
If you're so worried, you can shower in the locker room. You even got it all to yourself.
[It really says a lot about how much of a liability this is when he can distract this easily. Feelings are messy. They get in the way, they cloud your judgement. Logically, she knows this. She knows she should step back, keep her head clear and her eyes open, but it's soooooo ... difficult.
The kisses quiet her squirming and she ends up curling her arms around him, enjoying the feeling of his scruff against her cheek.]
[Rumlow says with a chuckle, ducking his head to kiss the side of her neck. His hands stroke up her back, sighing at the feel of her slight body beneath them. It is a temptation to take up that offer. Would keep them both distracted. Except then he's gonna have Nyx or someone look for him because he's just up and vanished. Not that Rumlow much cares about being seen (considering), but Kenzi might.
He slides a hand up into her hair, petting her softly. Humming a note, Rumlow relaxes into her arms. One of the few solaces he gets here. He's still not even sure if it's real.]
I'm just doing my wifely duties! Often. Like, religiously. Very enthusiastic about it.
[She laughs, apparently not all that worried about being seen or making a spectacle. Well, a clothed spectacle. She's resigned herself to the fact that there are cameras everywhere and she is incredibly attracted to this guy she lives (and sleeps) with. Life is hard.
... Especially when people keep trying to warn her about him? Whatever. They don't know him like she does. She's not worried. Not about Rumlow, at least. It's far from her mind right now, along with most other things to be honest. See? Easily DISTRACTED.]
Honestly, you're not even one to talk. Like, you legit cannot say a word about incorrigibility at all.
Oh, I'm well aware of how dutiful you are. [A sly grin crosses his face while his fingers tighten, just a bit, in her hair.] And hey, I'm corrigible. I'll have you know I was a saint as a child.
[A total lie. The only thing Rumlow remembers from childhood right now is fighting kids in an alleyway and getting hit by his old man. Doesn't sound real saintly. Doubts he's changed much either. There are still details missing from his life, but Rumlow is pretty sure that aspect of his personality is still the same.
Not that Kenzi doesn't love every bit of it. She's been pretty damn amenable. Probably wouldn't even object if he suggested inviting her in and locking the office door. Be a better escape than brooding or whatever it is he's been doing for the past four hours.]
[Nooooo not the hair! It's her ultimate weakness! Her laughter turns into a gasp as she tips her head back to look at him, grinning. Now he's just playing dirty.]
I highly doubt that, Mr. Rumlow. You look like you were trouble from the day you learned to walk. Unlike me, obviously, who was the most perfect, tiny angel to ever live.
[It's technically true, actually. For the most part, anyway. You tend to start behaving when your step-dad resorts to prison tactics in lieu of parenting. Even when she followed the rules, she was punished.
Nothing like a strict upbringing to send a girl running wild and rebellious.]
Also, you know you owe me like, oooone, two-- three days minimum of quality time for going rogue, right? We're supposed to be partners.
[On the surface, it might look like she's talking about marriage being a partnership. Really, she's talking about the fact that he's the only person she trusts 100% aside from maybe Bucky... ]
[It's an ugly snort, but it's amused nonetheless. Kenzi, an angel. In disguise maybe. Rumlow doesn't believe for even a second that she wasn't born plotting. She's got mischief in her blood. She's exhibiting it right now, the way she tries to bargain for 'quality time.' If he agreed, Rumlow's pretty sure she'd even insinuate she'd like the clock to start now thank you very much.]
We are partners. [He reaffirms. And ah, there it is. A break. His fingers bury in her hair, pushing through curve his hand around the back of her neck.] And yeah, I can take a break. Tell me what you need, sweetheart.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2017-05-12 12:38 am (UTC)It isn't even the worst part. Of course it isn't. He has to fulfill the cliche, doesn't he? So Rumlow grew a little distant. The last few days he's been trying to process it. Decide whether it's real or some sleeper implants, designed to test him or something. It's an escape and he knows it. Hates that it feels like running away, but he's got to be sure. Has to know that whatever's in his head is real. Because if he's going to accept it, he's got to come to terms with the fact that every blow, every punch, every impact of his fist into that man's skull felt good. That the drip of blood onto the floor was a part of the song as the man grunted and gasped, gurgling the blood that filled his broken mouth.
Rumlow blinks. Kenzi. She's standing before him, giving him a look that Rumlow knows means he's in trouble. She's noticed. Of course she's noticed. She is his wife, after all and not stupid. She can tell he's been isolating. Avoiding. He blinks again.]
That all it's been?
[He says, deflecting. It's not that he doesn't trust her. It's just, this is something Kenzi doesn't need to know. Doesn't need to find out. Her world is already unsteady and Rumlow knows he's one of the few steady points left within it. If he shakes that foundation -- he's not interested in letting her fall.]
To be fair, Kenzi, it is my job to be here, and y'know. Gotta get in my own workout too.
no subject
Date: 2017-05-12 12:58 am (UTC)[She's onto him. Something's up, she just doesn't know what it is. Even if she wasn't so damn perceptive and intuitive, you start to pick up on things when you live with someone. World-shaking, life-altering events aside, she wants to help. The 'you're in trouble face' is only because she knows he's trying to hide shit from her.
Her arms uncross themselves and she puts her hands on his sweaty, giant shoulders and lightly shakes him.]
If you wanna get all technical, it's my job to check up on you and annoy you until you crack and tell me why you're stonewalling. No more weights until you tell me what's up. Are we getting a divorce? Are you in love with your heavy bag? Do you wanna see other facilities? Is that it?!
no subject
Date: 2017-05-12 01:08 am (UTC)Rumlow huffs a laugh, his hands coming up to circle around her wrists. He's not pulling them away, just holding her. The weights sit on either side of the bench and Rumlow's feet draw in to tuck them against the bottom so no one trips.]
We're not getting a divorce and no, 's much as I like rolling around on the floor with Sally, we ain't involved like that.
[He pauses. What can he even tell her? He hasn't destroyed the cameras here, so if he says he's getting back memories, that shit's on the record. No need to entice the authorities. He glances up towards where he knows one is. He hopes Kenzi will catch on.]
Just having a few thoughts about my time in the service. [He says, deciding to go for something that'll placate both her and any unwanted listeners. His gaze draws back down.] Things you see there, y'know. Hard to shake.
no subject
Date: 2017-05-12 01:33 am (UTC)[She doesn't want to admit just how much of an actual relief that is. Seriously, it's kind of embarrassing how attached she is. It's also really ill advised considering the situation they're in. They could be lying to each other through their teeth! There is literally nothing keeping them together, no common thread that connects them that she can recall.
It's trust that keeps her here. She trusts Rumlow and has faith that he's telling her the truth like she's been telling him.]
Riiiight. The service. [Even without that glance to the camera that she now knows better than to acknowledge, she'd get that he meant something else entirely. All the veterans here think they served together, when it's really just a cover. Another vague memory to hide the truth. Whatever he's actually having thoughts about, it's really throwing him off.]
I'm no shrink, but I feel like even Freud would agree with me that pumping iron and getting jacked with something like that on your mind is a recipe for bodily harm. Why didn't you say anything?
no subject
Date: 2017-05-12 01:44 am (UTC)[Not a lot that he'd like to tell her anyway. Part of it is because he doesn't really know what these thoughts really are, at least. It's something they've all suffered from. Not knowing what's real and what's not. The blank spaces that make you paranoid when you dwell on them.
He gives her wrists a little squeeze, hands moving up her arms to draw her closer. It's not even really that he wants to push her away. It just seems like a necessity.]
Just somethin' I gotta deal with in my own head. [He plasters on a smile.] I appreciate you caring enough to come in here with all the sweat, though. Gonna have to shower like crazy to get the man-stink off.
no subject
Date: 2017-05-12 01:52 am (UTC)How much do you appreciate it? Because you're... incredibly sweaty right now. You're like... the sweatiest dude of all time and this is suffering. I'm sacrificing my fresh and clean to be here right now.
[Such sacrifice. Such leaning in. Such kiss.]
Oh my god-- I just realized... I am way too good for you! What am I even doing here? I should go. I totally should go.
no subject
Date: 2017-05-12 01:58 am (UTC)He blinks at her declaration, taking a second before he realizes. His hands tighten and he grins, dragging her down onto the bench with him. She's doomed now. Rumlow's arms snake around her and she's lucky he's wearing a shirt. Or is it unlucky? Either way, Kenzi now has a nice coating of his sweat on her. (Not like it's the first time.)]
Can't go now. Not after showing me how much you care.
[A nice tease to come back at her after that little barb.]
no subject
Date: 2017-05-12 02:07 am (UTC)Wh-- no, nononono--
[GROOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSS! She's TRAPPED! Trapped and covered in SWEAT! And it's hot and sticky and gross and the more she struggles and squirms, the more perspiration gets on her clothes and skin!]
Brock, you're the worst! It's my day OFF! I had plans!
[She put on PANTS today! Now it's ruined, she'll have to go home and change! Ignore the fact that she's trying really hard not to laugh.]
Unhand me you giant jerkwad!
no subject
Date: 2017-05-12 02:30 am (UTC)[As if he'd let her go when he can distract her fully with this tactic. He plants a few kisses on her cheek, and maybe steals one from her lips. Her worries will abate for the time being. She'll go back to it later, he's sure, but she won't be here. And she'll be assuaged that it's not going to divide them -- not if he can help it.
Rumlow can keep a secret, for as long as it takes. He knows it's better if Kenzi isn't aware of this darker side of him. It would scare her, most likely, or turn her away. After the encounter with Rogers, Rumlow is well aware that his list of allies is thin. Worse is he's pretty sure whatever thoughts these are, they may well tie into what Rogers is so wary of.]
If you're so worried, you can shower in the locker room. You even got it all to yourself.
no subject
Date: 2017-05-12 02:42 am (UTC)The kisses quiet her squirming and she ends up curling her arms around him, enjoying the feeling of his scruff against her cheek.]
What if I don't want it all to myself?
no subject
Date: 2017-05-12 02:52 am (UTC)[Rumlow says with a chuckle, ducking his head to kiss the side of her neck. His hands stroke up her back, sighing at the feel of her slight body beneath them. It is a temptation to take up that offer. Would keep them both distracted. Except then he's gonna have Nyx or someone look for him because he's just up and vanished. Not that Rumlow much cares about being seen (considering), but Kenzi might.
He slides a hand up into her hair, petting her softly. Humming a note, Rumlow relaxes into her arms. One of the few solaces he gets here. He's still not even sure if it's real.]
You're incorrigible, Kenzi.
no subject
Date: 2017-05-13 12:27 am (UTC)[She laughs, apparently not all that worried about being seen or making a spectacle. Well, a clothed spectacle. She's resigned herself to the fact that there are cameras everywhere and she is incredibly attracted to this guy she lives (and sleeps) with. Life is hard.
... Especially when people keep trying to warn her about him? Whatever. They don't know him like she does. She's not worried. Not about Rumlow, at least. It's far from her mind right now, along with most other things to be honest. See? Easily DISTRACTED.]
Honestly, you're not even one to talk. Like, you legit cannot say a word about incorrigibility at all.
no subject
Date: 2017-05-13 01:35 am (UTC)[A total lie. The only thing Rumlow remembers from childhood right now is fighting kids in an alleyway and getting hit by his old man. Doesn't sound real saintly. Doubts he's changed much either. There are still details missing from his life, but Rumlow is pretty sure that aspect of his personality is still the same.
Not that Kenzi doesn't love every bit of it. She's been pretty damn amenable. Probably wouldn't even object if he suggested inviting her in and locking the office door. Be a better escape than brooding or whatever it is he's been doing for the past four hours.]
no subject
Date: 2017-05-13 02:14 am (UTC)I highly doubt that, Mr. Rumlow. You look like you were trouble from the day you learned to walk. Unlike me, obviously, who was the most perfect, tiny angel to ever live.
[It's technically true, actually. For the most part, anyway. You tend to start behaving when your step-dad resorts to prison tactics in lieu of parenting. Even when she followed the rules, she was punished.
Nothing like a strict upbringing to send a girl running wild and rebellious.]
Also, you know you owe me like, oooone, two-- three days minimum of quality time for going rogue, right? We're supposed to be partners.
[On the surface, it might look like she's talking about marriage being a partnership. Really, she's talking about the fact that he's the only person she trusts 100% aside from maybe Bucky... ]
Can you take a break?
no subject
Date: 2017-05-15 11:13 am (UTC)We are partners. [He reaffirms. And ah, there it is. A break. His fingers bury in her hair, pushing through curve his hand around the back of her neck.] And yeah, I can take a break. Tell me what you need, sweetheart.