[Rumlow might not need his past to care about him, but Bucky felt as if he did. How was he to accept the choices that he made and understand the person he had become if he couldn't recall everything that had made that possible? The pieces that he had now didn't even make up a single picture, and it was frustrating even if he made certain not to let it show. He thought it would be better for them both to understand where he had come from, the deeds that he had done for HYDRA and maybe even understand some of the unanswered whys for what had happened to him. Maybe, just maybe, it would allow them to build something that wasn't based on being part of HYDRA but honest to God experiences.]
If... you're leaving HYDRA, everything needs to go. All the programming, all the molding that they did to you. Keep what makes you you, but otherwise, the rest has to go. [And maybe it was unspoken that if he was going to have to follow along in Rumlow's wake that the same would apply to him as well. That Rumlow contemplated control of him never entered his mind; he was too raw.]
I suspect you would leave me behind in leaving HYDRA. Until I can remember things, HYDRA is my basis of operation. Their rules, their needs, their programming. [He could understand the fear; he was still living it right as they spoke because the idea of Rumlow walking away from all of that was jarring to every sense of the man that he had. Somehow it felt as if his world was on its head and wasn't likely to correct itself any time soon until he could think and compartmentalize.
He bowed his head slightly, feeling the brush of Rumlow's lips on his skin, the warmth of it spreading from the cold of his previously dropped body temperature. Being upset seemed to have that effect on him. He looked at the glass shard in his hand and then set it back on the table with the others, abandoning it there as he closed his eyes and forced himself to both breathe and lean against the lips against his temple.
Time. They had plenty of that. It's what he needed now.]
no subject
If... you're leaving HYDRA, everything needs to go. All the programming, all the molding that they did to you. Keep what makes you you, but otherwise, the rest has to go. [And maybe it was unspoken that if he was going to have to follow along in Rumlow's wake that the same would apply to him as well. That Rumlow contemplated control of him never entered his mind; he was too raw.]
I suspect you would leave me behind in leaving HYDRA. Until I can remember things, HYDRA is my basis of operation. Their rules, their needs, their programming. [He could understand the fear; he was still living it right as they spoke because the idea of Rumlow walking away from all of that was jarring to every sense of the man that he had. Somehow it felt as if his world was on its head and wasn't likely to correct itself any time soon until he could think and compartmentalize.
He bowed his head slightly, feeling the brush of Rumlow's lips on his skin, the warmth of it spreading from the cold of his previously dropped body temperature. Being upset seemed to have that effect on him. He looked at the glass shard in his hand and then set it back on the table with the others, abandoning it there as he closed his eyes and forced himself to both breathe and lean against the lips against his temple.
Time. They had plenty of that. It's what he needed now.]
We'll... make this work.